Thursday, December 30, 2010

I can write


I can write with the love that my family fills me up with
I can write with the pieces of forgiveness that make it easier to breathe in this world
I can write with my expansive heart
I can write with the sound of the ocean scooping up my fears and worries
I can write with the stars that carry my wishes and dreams until the moment they come true
I can write with the darkness that creeps in telling me that I am not good enough
I can write with the adventure that takes me places I have never seen
I can write with openness showing the world my heart and soul
I can write

Monday, December 27, 2010

connection


I am reflecting on my word from 2010 ~ connection
It is amazing to see all the ways it has manifested itself
Without me even knowing it was hard at work

Connections with my family have grown deeper and stronger
Forming bonds between different individuals
Watching some push themselves to achieve their goal
Soaking in the sunshine at the beach
Vacations 
Art nights
Surprises
Coming together in a time of need
Games played and laughter shared
Memories made
Lemon crushes being poured
And just knowing that "if you play it, they will come"

My roots have also grown deeper with my tribe
Using all sorts of technology to stay connected
The little message that arrive in the palm of my hand
The card in the mailbox
Encouraging words and kind comments left
All of them lifting me up right when I need it most
Leaving me feeling seen for exactly who I am
Traveling to North Carolina and being engulfed by love
All of it leaves my heart feeling full with joy
It continues to amaze me how we each support one another
I love watching it all unfold

Other individuals stood by my side and held my hand
Right when I needed it
An unexpected connection
A conversation that changed my life
Moments where I shared pieces of me
And they in turn opened up to share pieces of themselves
What a beautiful experience

I had unexpected adventures with friends
Watching them push themselves
Just a little bit further than they thought they could go
Laughing as silly string covered my apartment
Watching the beauty of fireworks light up the sky
Listening to one another over a cup of coffee
Dinner together
Backyard games
All sorts of fun shared

I learned a lot about myself in 2010
About what moves me
What makes me drag my feet and waste my time
I let go of things that I was holding onto in my heart
Things that were weighing me down and no longer served me
I forgave myself
And shared this story of forgiveness with the world
I also declared that just as I am in this very moment
I am enough
Even in January I knew I was exactly where I needed to be
I feel a deeper connection to my heart and soul
And an inner confidence I did not have before

I soaked up the wave of weather that blesses the east coast
Walking in the snow
Being a book fairy
Hiking in the woods
Traveling into nyc alone
Feeling the rays of sunshine as the sun kissed my skin
I got lost on my bicycle
Dug my feet into the sand
Found new places
Explored the area around me
Went off on an adventure to Philly
I spent a lot of time breathing in the fresh air

2010 has been a year of deep connection for me
Manifesting itself as I went out and lived life
Allowing me the opportunity to giggle in the rain

Sunday, December 26, 2010

reflection


2010 is coming to a close
Take time to look back
On all the love that has surrounded you
The things that brought tears to your eyes
And the moments of your greatest triumphs
Even look at your deepest inner struggles
They all link together
Each a piece of your puzzle
Forming you
Whole and full
Reflect on it all
Embrace each memory
Be thankful 
For all that surrounds you
All that encompasses you
Life is a beautiful journey
Each day you take a step deeper into it

Friday, December 24, 2010

warm wishes


Sending you many warm wishes during this holiday season

Hoping your hearts are filled with joy
Laughter is ringing in your ears
And that you are surrounded by those you love

Also sending out prayers and healing thoughts to those who could not be with us

Loving you all xoxox

Saturday, December 18, 2010

"i'm better for it"


I have been holding onto a story deep inside
Playing it on repeat in my mind
Ashamed for the decision I had made
Guilt clouded over my perception of who I was

Until I got brave
I told my story
I wrote it out of me
Guilt, shame, sadness, fear, loneliness, heartache
I gave all of these feelings a voice
Pieces of my wounded heart began to heal
I was finally able to see clearly again
I learned that I am not my past decisions
Yes, they are a part of me
But they do not define me
I am much more than the choice I made
I am worthy of love
I am capable of love
I do not need to be afraid

I shared the truth of my story
The messy parts
The ones we tend to not want others to see
In doing so I healed my soul
Forgave myself for my mistakes
Showed compassion for the situation
And now I can breathe a little bit easier
The weight I was carrying around has been let got

If you would like to read my story you can find it here over on my dear friend Kolleen's blog ~ Heartwing Sisters.  I am so grateful for her giving me the space to share my story.  "I'm Better For It" is a beautiful collaboration of real stories from the heart where people share what is they are better for going through.

Friday, December 17, 2010

sit next to me


Come sit next to me
Tell me what it is that is deep in your heart
Whisper to me those words you have been to scared say
I will listen to whatever it is you have to say

Giggle with me
And let the sun shine down on us
Come sit next to me
Share your dreams with me
Together lets explore them

I want to hear what you have to say
I want to see the look in your eyes while you speak
I want to be there for you
So come, sit next to me

Sunday, December 12, 2010

live wide open

    french town, nj

Live wide open
These words sounding in her ears
Playing on repeat to ensure it is etched into her soul
A thought she cannot seem to shake


Live wide open
She is not exactly sure what it means
How to do it or if it is even possible
But she knows she must try to figure it out


Live wide open
Granting all emotions and experiences to come
Leaning into them
Finding them and feeling them


Live wide open
Her heart knows this is the only way
Her mind knows that it will be tough
But she knows that must live wide open

Saturday, December 11, 2010

a feeling



I feel that there is something bigger inside me. Something that I cannot seem to place my finger on. A feeling of having a grander purpose. A bigger meaning. Finding a way to make a difference. Yet here I am sitting still. Going no where fast.

I can feel the stirring inside me. The pull that tells me where I am and what I am doing is only for this moment. There is something else out there for me. There is something my heart yearns for. A different road to travel down.

But what is this thing? What something is it that I am being pulled blindly towards? I feel like I am in a dark room. Trying to find my way to the door yet unsure if a door even exist.

This pulling. This stirring. This feeling. This knowing of something more. All of it is there. But what is the something?

Friday, December 10, 2010

forgive


The words are there
Deep in our heart
Sometimes we bury them
Afraid of letting others see what is really there
We are ashamed even though it was our own actions

We must give voice to what lies below
Let is be seen and heard
Not be fearful of others judgments
We must let it go
Learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes

Saturday, December 04, 2010

feeling alive

mindy and I at squam by the sea

A year had past from when I first met Mindy on the Oregon Coast at the Be Present Retreat. At that time I had no idea of the incredible influence we would both have on one another. Thanks to squam arts workshops, Mindy and I had the opportunity to connect again in person near the ocean but this time on the opposite coast.

It was our last night by the sea. We were in the living room of the main house. Mindy sat with her elbows on her knees on the wooden coffee table directly across from me. I sat in the same position on the couch. We leaned into one another as we both opened up our hearts. I wanted to soak in Mindy as much as I could before we had to say our goodbyes.

Mindy's voice was filled with joy and enthusiasm as she talked about her painting and how I have inspired and opened her up. She shared with me some of her dreams as her eyes were sparkling and an enormous smile was beaming from her face. I sat there listening to her speak soaking in that beautiful accent of hers.

We spoke of writing and painting and reflected back to each other the beauty that we each radiate but sometimes struggle to see. Mindy cracked open my heart and soul. She gently lead me to see, feel, and know that my words have the ability to have an effect on others. They can inspire, heal, and even help someone.

As Mindy and I shared our stories my heart filled up with love and gratitude. The world works in magical ways. A girl from New Jersey and a girl from Arkansas crossed paths in Oregon. But that was just the beginning of their story.

I am so honored to watch Mindy spread her wings and fly. She is soaring and it is beautiful. I am also so grateful for that moment in time when I got to sat across from Mindy and felt truly alive. I look forward to all that has yet to be.

~~~
Mindy is a mixed media artist living in Arkansas. She has a passion and joy for life and a smile that is contagious. You can see read more about Mindy on her blog at Tim's Sally and see all of her beautiful creations in her Etsy Shop.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

arriving

It has taken time
In certain moments it felt like an eternity
I was not always standing tall
Brave
Strong
There were occasions when I had fallen to my knees
Tears soaking my cheeks
Feeling like I could not take one more step forward

But I did
I stepped forward
Slowly finding my footing
Learning with each progression ahead
Finding my own way

This does not mean that it is all sunshine and laughter
The constant ebb and flow of life is still there
It keeps me whole
Breathes energy into me
And teaches me to observe

But I do feel an inner peace
A sense of wholeness within
It begins with a smile deep in my soul
Letting me know that I am on the right path
Digging deep
Falling down
Getting back up
Traveling along life's path with my eyes wide open



Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I cherish....

* I cherish my studio apartment and the love and strength I feel when I am here
* I cherish giggling in the rain. It is a door that has lead me to so many wonderful and inspiring people
* I cherish my proximity to my family. Living so close allows us the opportunity to spend so much time together. It is lovely.
* I cherish art retreats and how much my world has grown because of them. Opening my eyes and heart up to so much love and support.
* I cherish that I live so close to mountains that I can hike in. Taking a walk through nature always opens my heart and clears my head.
* I cherish my bicycle. Giving me so much freedom and the opportunity to explore the world around me in fresh new ways.
* I cherish my friendships and the love and support we give one another. Nothing is more powerful than what an happen when we are kind to one another, cheer each other on, and support one another.
* I cherish my connection with writing. It heals me. Pushes me forward and allows me a place to show myself to the world.
* I cherish the sound of the ocean and the feel of sand beneath my toes. Nothing grounds me more than the ocean.
* I cherish kindness. It is what brings us together. Lifts us up. And propels us forward

~ what do you cherish?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

opening


I was standing there
But I felt like I was somewhere else
Looking in on this interaction that was taking place

I was speaking
Yet I was not sure where the words were coming from
I felt like myself yet also totally outside of myself

Words were coming out of my mouth
Yet I was not even sure what I was saying
They came quickly and without thought

My heart was beating a little bit faster
Redness flooded my cheeks
I surprised myself with my inner reaction

I was not sure exactly what I was saying
Or even where it was coming from
All I knew is that I wanted to keep the conversation going

I wanted to hear more
Listen to the stories
Look into those eyes

What does one say to someone they never met before
But would like the privilege of getting to know?
What are the right words to bring someone in?

What was coming out of my mouth sounded foreign
I was stumbling over words and thoughts
Struggling a bit to keep myself going

Then I walked away
Without looking back
Never asking the question I really wanted to ask

I was awakened with nervous energy
Pulled towards this unknown
Filled up with hope again

A brief interaction
Infusing my heart
With the possibility of what lies ahead







Saturday, November 27, 2010

sun

When the sun shines
Lift your head up towards the sky
Feel the warmth on your face
And soak it all in

Beauty surrounds you
Engulfs you
And heals you

Thursday, November 25, 2010

thankful


I am so thankful
For this precious life I have been given
For the journeys my feet have taken me on
And for my wide expansive heart
That just keeps opening with each new experience

I am so thankful
To be dancing around this earth
And have the chance to soak it in
The laughter, the tears, the heartbreak, the joy
I am so thankful to feel all of it

Love surrounds me
Family
Friends
Scarf sisters
Each of them filling me up with so much
I am so thankful for each of them

Life is pretty amazing
Each day a precious gift
Where opportunity awaits
I thankful to get to share my life here
With all of you

Thank you
To all of you
For loving me
Seeing me
Taking me in

I am so very thankful

Sunday, November 21, 2010

story


Your story is in your heart
Just waiting to be told
You made it here
To this point
To this day

You may have struggled
Got lost along the way
Veered off path
But here you are
Right where you are suppose to be

You are beautiful
You are strong
You are brave
You deserve to be seen
You deserve to shine

The world needs to hear
What you have to say
The worlds need to hear
Your story
Tell it, share it, speak it outloud

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Saturday, November 13, 2010

put yourself out there


You have to put yourself out there
Experience it
Joy and pain
Happiness and sadness

You have to put yourself out there
Show your beautiful face to the world
Let them see you dance
Let them see you sing

You have to put yourself out there
Be vulnerable and open
Share your stories
Let others in

You have to put yourself out there
Because it is the only way to open up that heart of yours
To feel
To live
To be

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

"your good"


"your good" he says
When I am deep down in the trenches
Unsure of how I will find my way out
Struggling, fighting, blinded by the road ahead

"your good" he says
When I think I cannot take another step
Exhaustion setting in
Thoughts of failure overtaking my confidence

"your good" he says
When I feel defeated
My hope has dwindled
And I am struggling to see myself

No matter where I am
he says "your good"
And he is right
I am good

If I am deep in the trenches
Struggling to take another step
or fighting to keep hope alive
I am good

In that moment
Where ever I am
I am exactly where I need to be
I am good

I have worked hard to get to that point
Persevered and pushed myself forward
I have been on the constant look out for how to take the next step
And when I find it I forge right ahead and take it

I may not be where I want to be
I may wish to be further along on the journey
I may stumble and I may fall
But wherever I am, I am good

Friday, November 05, 2010

Grateful


I am grateful because
You listen to what I am feeling
You help me find answers to the difficult questions
You open up my eyes to a new way of seeing
Or you confirm that I need to follow my inner voice


I am grateful because
You allow me the space to open up
You are tender
You are kind
You are there for me

I am grateful because
You stand in that space with me
You see me
Exactly as I am
And you accept that person

I am grateful
For who you are
And how you show yourself to the world
You lead by example
And you go for it

For all of this I am grateful

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

i am enough

Wherever you are
Whatever you are doing
Know that you are enough
Exactly as you are
Even if your house is a mess
There are dishes to be cleaned
The bills have yet to be paid
Your dreams have not yet come true
Even though everything may not be perfect
It is still enough
And you are enough
Just as you are

I hope you will hop on over to Tracey Clarks blog to read my guest post on being enough.


Monday, November 01, 2010

wish


So grateful
For this moment
This day
And having the ability to wish and dream

Friday, October 29, 2010

estoy listo

beach writing, nags head NC

I walk in the door to my apartment
The quietness engulfs me
It reminds me that I am alone
This reminder of being alone
Is packed full with intense emotion

At times I embrace the silence
It allows me the opportunity to dig deep into my thoughts
Create beautiful things with my hands
And connect with myself

But there are moments when that stillness is deafening
Feelings of isolation surface
A longing for connection swirls inside me
And tears fill my eyes

A constant tug back and forth
Elation and heartache

I cherish the solitude
But souls simply grow better when they are together
Each one reflecting back the others brilliance
Balancing and nudging the other forward
Lifting them up and holding their hand

For awhile I was not ready to embrace love
I needed to venture down my own path
Even though I was unsure of what that was
I stumbled and I fell
But I learned how to pick myself back up

The lessons that came my way were not always easy
But they were powerful
And opened my eyes up to the beauty in telling the truth

I feel confident in myself
Sure of the steps I am taking
And I am ready to not only give love
But to receive it in return


***
"souls just grown better together" ~ paraphrased from Elizabeth




Thursday, October 28, 2010

Squam by the Sea

Nags Head NC ~ squam by the sea

My heart is full
and so filled up with love
I spent four marvelous days in Nags Head NC
Soaking in the magic that happens at squam arts workshops
I was seen for who I am by others
And for the very first time truly saw myself
I am a writer, what a glorious thing to realize

Breathtaking
Beautiful
Honest
Open
Loving
Soulfull
Tender
Brave

These are just a few of the words that describe what it is like being surrounded by the most radiant women and engulfed in their love. There is something so powerful about women coming together. Souls supporting one another, truly seeing one another, and reflecting back what we see to each other. Magic. Pure love and magic.

My world is a little bit brighter these days
Beauty surrounds me
And happiness fills my heart

Thank you squamettes
For being brave
Following the bat signal
And traveling to the sea
I cannot imagine my life without you

Sending you my love xoxo



Monday, October 25, 2010

To see clearly

Mindy's beautiful ring. Nags Head, NC ~ squam by the sea

She had to look through
Someone else's eyes to see clearly
She needed them to reflect
Back what they saw

She did not see it in her
She did not even know it was their

It was the vision of another
That opened her up to herself

Without them looking
She never would have
Saw it
Without their eyes
Hers would still be closed

Friday, October 15, 2010

Precious Moments


Last year this time I was on the Oregon Coast
Surrounded by the most amazing women
Each one so talented, so brave,
So willing to open up and share themselves

It was a moment in time that is forever etched in my heart
And since then I have not been the same

We stood along side one another
Held each others hands
Gave each other space to grow
We were present in the moment
And with each other

We learned how precious sisterhood really is
And we felt the power that happens when women come together
We laughed
We cried
We opened each other up
And held the space for one another

Even though a year has flown by
This sisterhood has remained strong
Support and love swirls through this group

My eyes well up with tears
When a candle is lit
A prayer is said
A hug is given
And a cheer is sung from the mountain tops

Even if it is virtual
It is filled with deep meaning

Thank you scarf sisters
For being exactly who you are
For spreading your wings
And soaring
The journey you are on is precious
And I am so lucky to watch it all unfold


Thursday, October 14, 2010

so lucky!

My heart feels full
So incredibly full

I am surrounded by love
Encircled by people who support me
Cheer me on
And truly want to see me shine

How did I get so lucky?

I am amazed and in awe
Of all the love that swirls around me

Each kind word cracks my heart open a little more
Every high five brings a smile to my face
A knowing glance
A warm embrace
All of these things fill me up

How did I get so lucky?

I stand here
My soul overflowing with joy
An enormous smile on my face
Grateful for each encounter

I am so lucky in this life
And so appreciative for the chance to experience it

Thank you universe!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I stand here

I stand here
In an unknown city
Falling deeply into myself

There are parts of me that hurt
Pieces that feel broken
But I stand here

I stand here
Submerging myself into the moment
Refusing to answer any questions

Because it is here where I belong
Traveling down my path
So I stand right here

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Thursday, October 07, 2010

thank you

I stand here
In the middle of all of this
Thinking of those I love
My heart is full
With emotions that are impossible to express

I am so lucky
That seems to be the only way to describe it
So very lucky

I stand here feeling blessed
For everyone that I have encountered in my life
The friendships that have developed deep over time
The brief encounters of strangers passing by
And my family who has stood beside me through it all

The moments of laughter that have filled up my soul
And the tears that have fell from eyes because I dug deep and let myself go

I am grateful for all of these things
And grateful for everyone in my life

It is theses moments
And each individual
That make my life so special

Thank you for coming into my life
Touching my soul the way you have
Because of you I have smiled more
And felt the beauty of life


Sunday, October 03, 2010

Showing up

I show up here 
because it is food for my soul
A space for my mind and heart 
to purge all the contents that are swirling around

I show up here
because I know no other way
This page is a canvas for me to paint my words on
A blank slate to open up into

I show up here
because it is here that I feel seen
I am freely able to express my thoughts, ideas, and feelings
With unwavering support from others

I show up here
because it allows me the ability to connect 
with myself and with others
It is here that I know I am not alone

I show up here
and I am so glad that you show up as well

Thank you for every time you visit
And for each comment you make
Reading what you have to say lights me up inside
I see you, in all your beauty

I show up here 
to feel the connection we all have
We are never alone, ever

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Celebrate you


We are each on a journey
Traveling deeply into it
Struggling at times
Laughing at other times
But always, always growing

Time passes by quickly
Before we know it a year is gone
And we have traveled through so much

Just look back a year from today
Now look back a little bit father, and a little bit father
Go ahead read the very first blog entry you wrote
I'll wait. . .
How about you read the one you wrote this time last year,
or two years ago

My how you have grown
Celebrate that
Celebrate the things that brought you down
And the moments that lifted you up
Celebrate each of them
For it is these moments that make up you
And you are who you are is uniquely beautiful

Celebrate that,
Absolutely celebrate Y*O*U!

Believe

If there is one thing to believe in
In this ever changing world
The one thing to believe in
Is yourself

Always believe in yourself
Before all things
Bet on yourself to win
To come out on top

You can always do it
You always have
And you always will
Believe in yourself

Saturday, September 25, 2010

ramblings from a park bench


I am sitting in the middle of this city
So much is going on around me
People passing by
Each on their own journey

I hear snippets of peoples lives
Snapshots of their most intimate details
Entering my ears as they rush by

Feelings of amazement wash over me as I sit here
I am trying to do my best to soak it all in
To really look at how different everyone is
Yet understand that internally we are all the same

A beating heart
Blood pumping
Thoughts
Ideas
Feelings

All of these unseen things connect us
They make us more similar than different
We are more than the clothes we wear
We are more than the job title we have
We are more than the music we listen to

I fantazie about where each of them is going
What is it they are up to
I wonder what their life is like

It is so easy to get soaked into our selfish existence
Forgetting that their are others out there
People we have yet to meet
They are living life
Going through all sorts of things
Struggling, standing, falling,
And picking themselves back up again

I can see more clearly now
I am not the only one that feels pain and happiness
I am not the only one who stumbles time and time again
I am not the only one learning how to gain my footing in this world

There are people out their with broken hearts
They feel lonely, inadequate, and unloved
Their are others out there living life
Soaking in the beauty of the every day
In fact there is a whole world of people

Each of their lives is different than my own
They know different people
Do different things
Have different experiences
Yet they all have one thing in common
They all feel something

Each person experiencing pain, happiness
Laughter and tears
It may not look the same to you are I
But the feeling is the same

Taking the time to sit and watch others
I am able to soak all of this in
Their is much to be seen
Much to be heard
The lives of others are unravelling before us

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I let go


I sat by the river
Collecting my thoughts
Pulling out all the things that were lurking deep inside

I sat there alone for a long time
Listening to the sound of the water rush by
The voices of nature eased the words from my soul

For to long I have been gripping these things tightly
Things that no longer served me
Things that were not mine to own in the first place

I knew it was time to bid them farewell
But I also wanted to honor and thank them
They were each their for me in the moments I needed them

So I let my pen do the talking
Naming each of them and giving them praise
Showing my gratitude for what I learned during our encounter

Then with love I said my goodbyes
Letting them know that they were off on another journey
Destine to find someone else that needed them

I did what I had to do
To heal this piece of me
I let go