"We can handle anything when we exchange our worries and fears for alertness and spontaneity. When we focus solely on what is in front of us, and when we LEAP into the sheer wonder of the unplanned life."
Coming home from squam I was on this amazing high. Floating above the clouds from all the love and inspiration that enveloped me. I have never experienced such magic before. It was breathtaking.
However now I sit here and cry. Unable to figure out how to incorporate all those amazing feelings into my every day living. I still have to pay my bills, still have to go to work, still have to do the dishes and think of something to cook for dinner. My mind seems unable to grasp it all. I am upset with myself because I have not carved out any time to create, any time to read, any time to just be with myself and soak in my emotions from squam. I am in desperate need of a warm hug from the amazing Thea and time to just sit and talk with the fabulous Jen Gray I miss cozying up to the fire at night, telling stories, listening to brave souls pour out their hearts, and feeling seen for the first time in my life. Coming back to NJ I feel slightly lost because I am unable to get a grip on it all. I am juggling many things in my life and what I really need to do is put it all down. Examine what is really important and pick only those things back up.
My mind needs time to sort through it all. To embrace the moment. To cherish the memories. And to figure out how to hold onto it and spread it around me.
" I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forest and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps a great joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter.
We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another to compete for love. For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves"
**I found this through Swirly and it really resonates with me, so I wanted to share it here as well. Thank you Sparkletopia!**
Last year my theme for 2007 was Passion. I wanted to bring Passion into my life. At that time my concentration was between Christian and I. However now I realize the Passion I was searching for had nothing to do with another person, rather it had everything to do with me.
There are many things in this world that I am passionate about.
The beach, taking photographs, my family, getting to know people, creating, reading, traveling...just to name a few.
My passions light up my eyes when I talk about them, bring a huge smile to my face, and make me feel alive!
An indescribable feeling washing over me when I talk about my trip to Mexico and my upcoming trip to SQUAM. It feels like a fire is lit inside me. I love this feeling. I could eat, breath, live this feeling. It is a part of something I am passionate about...connecting with people.
Now that Christian and I are no longer together I realize I need someone who has core values of things that move them. Things that light their spark, get them going, and rev up their engines.
I want to continue down my path of exploring the things I am passionate about. If I find someone, I want to share my dreams with them. I don't want them to be passionate about all the things I am, but respect what gets me going. I want them to have their own things and I want to hear about them. I want to share some adventures along the way, laugh, and expand our hearts together.
It is not easy to find someone who has that fire. Sometimes it is hard for me to keep my own fire ignited. But I am working on it. Throwing more logs onto the fire, putting myself out there, and concentrating on what it is that moves me. If I don't find someone it is ok as well because I knwo that I have enought and I am enough...I have myself.