Sunday, December 28, 2008


Feeling the crunch of life, 
anyone else?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

This Place

I feel like I haven't been here in so long
This place, it feels different
It doesn't feel like mine
If these walls could talk they would ask me where I have been.

I have been gone from here, but...
I have been out making connections
Embracing the love from others
Creating new memories with family

I have been soaring high
Feeling brave
Sharing the love that resides in my heart
Opening up, spreading my wings

I have put myself out there
I have gained so much

but, I long to create
I long to be right here in my magical cottage
Diving into what resides in my heart
Splattering paint all over my hands
Getting the words that are swirling around in my head onto paper.
I long to fully explore my inner muse

I need to find a balance
between love, connections, and my inner heart
I need to find a balance 
between what is out there and what is hidden in here
A balance between you doing what you love and me besides you, covered in paint exploring
I need.....

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

My heart on paper

Ramapo Reservation

I stand here staring at my shadow
Trying to be sure of myself
Trying to fall freely into what I see ahead of me
I struggle sometimes
I have never been here before
I have never been surrounded by so much love
At times I wonder if I am handling it with the care it deserves
I am afraid it will crumble 
I am afraid I will fall
Never have I felt like I was in the center of someones universe, and they in mine
Never have I felt so strong
Never have I felt so much
The kindness and love that swirls around me is intoxicating
It breathes strength into my weakened bones
And takes away the gloom during these dark days
The conversation is enthralling
The eyes are calming
I feel brave
I feel like myself
I worry that I don't show how I feel well enough
I worry that I lack any sense of expressing my true emotions
I worry that I won't feel like I am enough or can give enough
The struggle seems endless sometimes
A constant battle between my heart and my head
I am healing
I am growing
I am observing 
I feel strong
I can see my dreams more clearly
I smile more
I am surrounded by amazing people
I am standing tall

Thursday, December 04, 2008

I try

Ramapo Reservation

"I try
but it's hard to believe
I try
but I can't see what you see
I try.  I try. I try
My whole world is changing
I don't know where to turn"

*Jonatha Brooke, I'll Try

Tuesday, December 02, 2008


 Aquarium in Boston

Maybe, just maybe I am not meant to put it out there 
Maybe that time has come and is gone
Maybe extending a hand of friendship is strangling,
not allowing for a breath of fresh air to enter.  
Maybe I will never know what I should have done
Maybe I will eventually learn to surrender to the mystery of it all
Maybe as time passes we both heal and find something different from each other.
Or maybe this is the end of the road, 
our time to say goodbye
Maybe, just maybe