Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Celebrate you

We are each on a journey
Traveling deeply into it
Struggling at times
Laughing at other times
But always, always growing

Time passes by quickly
Before we know it a year is gone
And we have traveled through so much

Just look back a year from today
Now look back a little bit father, and a little bit father
Go ahead read the very first blog entry you wrote
I'll wait. . .
How about you read the one you wrote this time last year,
or two years ago

My how you have grown
Celebrate that
Celebrate the things that brought you down
And the moments that lifted you up
Celebrate each of them
For it is these moments that make up you
And you are who you are is uniquely beautiful

Celebrate that,
Absolutely celebrate Y*O*U!


If there is one thing to believe in
In this ever changing world
The one thing to believe in
Is yourself

Always believe in yourself
Before all things
Bet on yourself to win
To come out on top

You can always do it
You always have
And you always will
Believe in yourself

Saturday, September 25, 2010

ramblings from a park bench

I am sitting in the middle of this city
So much is going on around me
People passing by
Each on their own journey

I hear snippets of peoples lives
Snapshots of their most intimate details
Entering my ears as they rush by

Feelings of amazement wash over me as I sit here
I am trying to do my best to soak it all in
To really look at how different everyone is
Yet understand that internally we are all the same

A beating heart
Blood pumping

All of these unseen things connect us
They make us more similar than different
We are more than the clothes we wear
We are more than the job title we have
We are more than the music we listen to

I fantazie about where each of them is going
What is it they are up to
I wonder what their life is like

It is so easy to get soaked into our selfish existence
Forgetting that their are others out there
People we have yet to meet
They are living life
Going through all sorts of things
Struggling, standing, falling,
And picking themselves back up again

I can see more clearly now
I am not the only one that feels pain and happiness
I am not the only one who stumbles time and time again
I am not the only one learning how to gain my footing in this world

There are people out their with broken hearts
They feel lonely, inadequate, and unloved
Their are others out there living life
Soaking in the beauty of the every day
In fact there is a whole world of people

Each of their lives is different than my own
They know different people
Do different things
Have different experiences
Yet they all have one thing in common
They all feel something

Each person experiencing pain, happiness
Laughter and tears
It may not look the same to you are I
But the feeling is the same

Taking the time to sit and watch others
I am able to soak all of this in
Their is much to be seen
Much to be heard
The lives of others are unravelling before us

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I let go

I sat by the river
Collecting my thoughts
Pulling out all the things that were lurking deep inside

I sat there alone for a long time
Listening to the sound of the water rush by
The voices of nature eased the words from my soul

For to long I have been gripping these things tightly
Things that no longer served me
Things that were not mine to own in the first place

I knew it was time to bid them farewell
But I also wanted to honor and thank them
They were each their for me in the moments I needed them

So I let my pen do the talking
Naming each of them and giving them praise
Showing my gratitude for what I learned during our encounter

Then with love I said my goodbyes
Letting them know that they were off on another journey
Destine to find someone else that needed them

I did what I had to do
To heal this piece of me
I let go

Thursday, September 16, 2010


Look around you
You will see that there is beauty to be found
Even in the most unexpected places
Breathe in these beautiful moments
Savor the sweetness of the surprise
Every where you turn
There is something to be uncovered
And you never know
It might turn out to be magic

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Pressing on

I stand here in the thick of it
Wondering how it got to be this way

Is it written on my forehead
And I cannot see it?
Is it a part of me, always will be
And I need to accept it?

How did it get to this point?
Who was the one directing the traffic?

I do not like standing here, right here
I am not meant to be in this place
I need to keep moving
Traveling to the places that free me

I am the one directing the traffic from now on
I will not accept what currently is
I will keep pressing on
Until I arrive at home

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Summer Memories: Beach Volleyball

This summer I got to spend some Saturdays waking up bright and early, traveling down to the shore with Brian, and spending the entire day on the beach watching him play beach volleyball. I love that he invited me to go down with him. It was such a nice experience. Driving down together. Chatting in the car. Discovering new music. Watching him play. Learning more about him. And soaking in some sunshine and a couple of naps on the beach. Life is incredible.

I am so honored to call Brian my brother. So proud of the life he has created. Brian finds the joy and fun in the everyday things that encompass his life. He is always willing to play, laugh, and have a good time no matter what it is he is doing. He is his own person. So strong, caring, and loving. He lives life enjoying what he loves doing and is passionate about so many things.

I know that if I ever needed anything Brian would be one of the first people there for me. Over the past couple of years we have gotten closer and it has been such a wonderful blessing in my life. I am also lucky that I work close to where he works. It gives us the chance to get together for lunch. There is no better way to break up a day at work than sharing lunch with your older brother.

Not only is Brian an incredible brother to me but he is also a loving husband and an amazing father. I look up to the relationship that he has with Laurie and hope to one day have that for myself. They are so kind to each other and that is so extremely important. I just adore watching him interact with Hannah. It makes my heart swell with pride. I knew that he would be a good father, but to watch it unfold in front of me is incredible.

Having the opportunity to spend time with Brian this summer was one of my favorite memories. I am so incredibly lucky to have such an amazing older brother to look up to.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Summer Memories: Jack Johnson Concert

I love spending time with my family. Whenever we are together I laugh hysterical. So hard in fact that tears fall from my eyes. Every time I am with them I am happy and overcome with love.

This summer we boarded the train and headed into NYC to see Jack Johnson play at MSG. The entire evening was wonderful. Laughter filled the train. Brian and I practiced for the mud run on the train station stairs. And hearing Jack Johnson play was magical. I love that we all enjoy his music and take the time to go out and see him.

During the last song I stood there amongst my family, Better Together was being played, and I closed my eyes attempting to capture the beauty of the moment in my mind forever. As a family we are Better Together. I am so blessed to have each of them in my life.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Summer Memories: Macys Fireworks

I had nothing planned to celebrate July 4th. I was just going to let the day unfold and see where it took me. Christian and I spent the morning riding around town on our bicycles. It was a hot one. Which is perfect weather for me but definitely not perfect weather for everyone. I had a blast on my bicycle and was so proud of far Christian rode especially in the heated conditions we were under.

On the spur of the moment we decided to head in to see the Macys Fireworks. Off we went. Backpack packed with snacks, drinks, and uno. We got front row spots right on the water on the NJ side. We spent all day playing games, talking, laughing, soaking in the sunshine and each others company. When nightfall came we both watched in amazement as the fireworks filled the sky with the NYC skyline as its backdrop. It was a spectacular show.

I was so happy to be right there in that moment and sharing it with Christian. After the fireworks ended we let the crowd disperse as we sat and talked. Once tiredness crept upon us we headed back home smiling from ear to ear. It was an incredible day.

What a wonderful summer memory to be engrained upon my heart.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Summertime Memories

The summer has come to a close. Not with a bang, but rather with a quiet solitude. Which somehow seems to be exactly as it should.

This was a good summer for me. Filled with lots of family time. Laughter. Fun. Swimming in the ocean. Swimming in the pool. Sand between my toes. Fireworks. Watching volleyball. Lots and lots of sunshine. Riding my bicycle. And going on fun adventures. Just to name a few. I created many amazing memories and have such wonderful things to look back on and smile about.

Thank you dear universe for giving me this precious gift this summer. Thank you for cracking me open. Making me see myself. Learn a lot about who I am. Thank you for opening me up to fully experience unconditional love. A type of love that can only come from family. Family love is like no other. It is always there, especially Belthoff Family type of Love. We can overcome anything together. That is a true blessing that cannot be overlooked.

As summer comes to a close I would like to take the time to look back on some of my favorite summertime memories. So that is what I am going to do this week. I hope you will join me and share some of your favorite memories that you created this summer as I share some of mine with you.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Letting go

I show up here
With pen in hand
Ready to let go

Let go of feeling like it is my fault
Let go of thinking I have any control
Let go of the anger about how it all unfolded
Let go of the the way things are now
Let go of the whole ordeal

You are not the person I knew
I thought I was going to be the one to struggle
With the end of us and the beginning of something new
But it is not me who is struggling

I am stronger than I thought
I am secure in who I am
I am standing on solid ground
And I never even realized it until now

Yes this does have something to do with me
But only with a title I was given for a brief moment in time
It is nothing personal

I have memories of who you were
Today I only recognize that person for brief moments in time
Every other moment you are a stranger

So I am letting go
I was and always will be respectful
I handled those moments in time
With grace and dignity

It is not about me
It never has been
And it never will be

I just let go

Sunday, September 05, 2010


Dear Nighttime,

Can you please be so kind and let me sleep. My body and mind need the rest. I would like to sleep through the night without waking up. I cannot keep running around like this during the day without some rest at night.

Please dear nighttime help me out. I would love to dream sweet dreams and wake up feeling rested and refreshed.

Thank you nighttime for taking this into consideration.


Thursday, September 02, 2010


My days have been hectic
My mind running in every direction
Coming to dead ends
Not sure where to turn
Spinning in circles
Feeling hopeless, lost and sad

Emotions swirled around inside of me
I could not seem to calm them
Or hold them long enough to examine them

The other night
As I curled under my covers
Just about to lie down
I felt something
It was a blue glow
Right there in front of me
It felt so real I could see it with my eyes

A feeling of comfort washed over me
A smile came to my face
I felt calm and at peace

The light whispered to me
"You are ready now, you are ready now"

I am not exactly sure what it was
Or maybe I was dreaming
But since that night I feel calm
Relaxed into myself
An inner peace is holding me gently

Each time I close my eyes
The light is there
Reminding me that
I am ready