Monday, September 24, 2007


I have a story to tell.  
Something I want share with the world.
Feelings, emotions...
Pain, happiness.

It is all inside of me
It is a part of me everyday.

We all have a story to tell
We are all unique, wonderful, interesting.

However we also are all on a time schedule
Never taking the time to hear someone else's story.

We get lost inside the hustle and bustle, 
Swept away inside the rush.

I want to slow down.
I want to hear your story.
And I also want you to hear mine.  

I have a story to tell,
You have a story to tell,
Let's sit down and share our stories.  

Saturday, September 08, 2007

No Pictures leads to more ramblings...

I keep thinking that if I don't have new pictures I cannot post anything. I don't have many new photos on my computer since I lost everything, and lately for some reason, I have not really picked up my camera. But I am throwing the idea of 'no pictures, no posting' out the widow. Only having words is sometimes better...

Destiny or is it in your hands....
Fate or your decisions....

Which is true?
Do we have control, or is everything controlled for us in some way?

I love these types of conversations. About life, the meaning of life, how things are...anything truly personal. It really connects you to someone. It is hard to put yourself out there, to be vulnerable. To not only show the good side of you, but the not so good as well. To take things out of the closet, lay it on the table, and say; 'hey this is me, am I ok?' I can guarantee you, you are ok, and I have probally felt the same as you sometime in my life. There are so many times in life when we feel so alone. We do not understand a particular feeling we have and we think only we feel this way. However that is probally not true. We are human. The same things hurt our feelings, make us sad, and make us want to laugh. It is the ability to share and form a connection with others which is tough.

One of the people I admire most in this world has this amazing ability to be open and honest even about the most humiliting and embarresing topics. She will tell you exactly how she feels and she will never judge me for any of my feelings, no matter how ridiculous I think they are. Because of this I don't ever feel the need to pretend to be someone else, or hold anything back because I know she will always accept my feelings as 'my feelings'.

I wish everyone was able to be that open, including myself. I do think I am a very open person, but I am my own worst critic so I am not really sure.

There is a difference in honesty and a willingness to be humiliated. Humiliated is not even the right word. I guess just having the ablility to really put yourself out there. I used to hate the idea of being embarressed in public. Oh it just frightened me terribly. So I was quiet and shy, never really wanted to be the center of attention. I rarely talked, and gosh I would never tell a joke...people would laugh then. However those days are long gone. I am not searching for the spotlight, but I not afraid to speak my mind anymore. I feel how I feel...bottom line. If you don't like it I really hope you can at least understand my postion on it. And if we truly disagree I hope we can talk about it, and possibly I will be able to learn something I never knew before. I do silly things, people laugh at me...and I don't mind. I enjoy every day and try to make the best of every situation.

Life is to short.....

Well of course I have rambled on again, and did not even talk about what I wanted to. So stay tuned for destiny or your choice. :)

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I'll Allow Myself...

to love but not get so caught up in love that I lose who I am

to cry but not drown mysef in my sorrows

to be angry but not hold on to anger for to long

to do what I want but not forget that my actions and decisions effect others as well as myself

to have what I want but not be consumed by materialistic things

to let go but not forget what brought me this far

to be loved but not stop showing loving for myself and others

to feel good but not be arrogant about it

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Trouble...the good kind

"...And the trouble I find is that the trouble finds me
It's a part of my mind it begins with a dream
And a feeling I get when I look and I see
That this world is a puzzle, I'll find all of the pieces
And put it all together, and then I'll rearrange it
I'll follow it forever
Always be as strange as it seems
Nobody ever told me not to try..."

Jack Johnson: Talk of the Town


Why do woman have these secret gardens? These deep places inside filled with raw emotion, hurt, fear, and all the thoughts we over analyze?

I would do anything for someone I love. Give them whatever they needed for their happiness. I would let them into my heart, let them deep inside. I give without any expectations of anything in return. Possibly it is the motherly instinct inside me. I want the ones I love dearly to have the last bite, get the best piece of cake, have the best seat in the house, and to be able to fully enjoy it. I get enjoyment in knowing and watching them enjoy themselves.

But the secret garden holds the over analyzing. It takes over sometimes. Guys shut the door, no afterthoughts. What is done is done. What has happened, happened. The girl shuts the door and runs through every detail in her mind. Analyzing.

I want to stop analyzing the details. I want to experience the moment and all that comes from it. The analyzing gets me no where. Why do women thrive on it? Why not spend our conversations on more meaningful things? Yet, what is more meaningful than what is going on in our daily lives? I just think there is a different way to handle it.

I always try to live in the moment. My spontaneous nature has taken me on many wonderful adventures. However my giving nature has also restricted me from spending more time on myself. I feel selfish wanting to do things for my happiness...simple little things, like taking a walk. But I need these things. My life depends on it, and it makes me feel more fulfilled.

This month I am working on taking a walk each day. I always feel refreshed after a walk. I walk through my problems in my head and my mind feels lighter. I have also been working on my life list. So far I am up to 79 things. It will be posted soon. Putting it in writing makes it feel more real and gets my wheels turning in how to accomplish each one.

I have always known that my happiness was in my own hands, now I am taking more active steps to make myself feel more fulfilled.