Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Why do woman have these secret gardens? These deep places inside filled with raw emotion, hurt, fear, and all the thoughts we over analyze?
I would do anything for someone I love. Give them whatever they needed for their happiness. I would let them into my heart, let them deep inside. I give without any expectations of anything in return. Possibly it is the motherly instinct inside me. I want the ones I love dearly to have the last bite, get the best piece of cake, have the best seat in the house, and to be able to fully enjoy it. I get enjoyment in knowing and watching them enjoy themselves.
But the secret garden holds the over analyzing. It takes over sometimes. Guys shut the door, no afterthoughts. What is done is done. What has happened, happened. The girl shuts the door and runs through every detail in her mind. Analyzing.
I want to stop analyzing the details. I want to experience the moment and all that comes from it. The analyzing gets me no where. Why do women thrive on it? Why not spend our conversations on more meaningful things? Yet, what is more meaningful than what is going on in our daily lives? I just think there is a different way to handle it.
I always try to live in the moment. My spontaneous nature has taken me on many wonderful adventures. However my giving nature has also restricted me from spending more time on myself. I feel selfish wanting to do things for my happiness...simple little things, like taking a walk. But I need these things. My life depends on it, and it makes me feel more fulfilled.
This month I am working on taking a walk each day. I always feel refreshed after a walk. I walk through my problems in my head and my mind feels lighter. I have also been working on my life list. So far I am up to 79 things. It will be posted soon. Putting it in writing makes it feel more real and gets my wheels turning in how to accomplish each one.
I have always known that my happiness was in my own hands, now I am taking more active steps to make myself feel more fulfilled.