Saturday, December 26, 2009

Reflecting


Colored Pencils, originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

I have been quiet here lately. Turning into myself. Looking find answers to some questions within my heart. As it turns out though there is no need for me to answer any questions. Someone has answered them for me. So I would like to share with you a poem from the great David Whyte.

The House of Belonging

I awoke
this morning
in the gold light
turning this way
and that

thinking for
a moment
it was one
day
like any other.

But
the veil had gone
from my
darkened heart
and
I thought

it must have been the quiet
candlelight
that filled my room,

it must have been
the first
easy rythm
with which I breathed
myself to sleep,

it must have been
the prayer I said
speaking to the otherness
of the night.

And
I thought
this is the good day
you could
meet your love,

this is the black day
someone close
to you could die.

This is the day
you realize
how easily the thread
is broken
between this world
and the next

and I found myself
sitting up
in the quiet pathway
of light,

the tawny
close grained cedar
burning round
me like fire
and all the angels of this housely
heaven ascending
through the first
roof of light
the sun has made.

This is the bright home
in which I live,
this is where
I ask
my friends
to come,
this is where I want
to love all the things
it has taken me so long
to learn to love.

This is the temple
of my adult aloneness
and I belong
to that aloneness
as I belong to my life.

There is no house
like the house of belonging.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

You


You have wings
Beautiful expanding wings
You fly freely
Gliding through the breeze
Soaring where ever you may

You have strength
Strength to rise up and spread those wings
I can see it in your eyes
And the way you carry yourself when you walk
Your strength cast out a radiant light

You are brave
You let people in
And let the world see you, all of you
You smile when you are happy
And shed tears when you are sad

You are kind
Showing a compassion towards others
Understanding and listening
You get to the heart and soul of someone else
You see someone for who they are

You are beautiful
A breathe of fresh air
Continue to keep dreaming
and reaching for the stars
It is your light that will guide you



Thursday, December 03, 2009

standing

I feel like I am learning how to stand again
On my own two feet
with no one there to catch me if I fall

Carefully I take each step
Trying to be aware of what surrounds me
Listening closely to each sound

Standing is not always an easy thing to do
Sometimes it is easer to sit
and let it all pass by

But my soul yearns to stand,
To stand tall
proud
and brave

I want to be seen
heard
and understood

As I stand and look around
I notice I am not alone
Angels surround me and cheer me on

I am standing now
Taller than I ever stood before
and I will continue to reach and grow

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

pattern of life

Open my eyes
let them adjust to the darkness
I can see the pattern
of going nowhere fast
Always ending up in the same place
no matter how fast I run or how slow I walk
The destination always seems to be the same
gloomy when I look at it from this angel
Being in the moment and living it is not so bad
but when I already know the ending before I even finish the first chapter
why bother reading the book?
I already read a version of it before
No reason to suffer through the sadness as tears soak my cheeks
Maybe it is best to just put the book down and walk away until
I am ready to write a new ending

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thankful

I am so thankful today for many thinks including but not limited to ...

* This warm sunny day that I have been blessed with
* Spending time with my family, they always bring a smile to my face and make me laugh
* Having such fun and wonderful parents, brothers, and sister in laws
* My studio apartment which houses my creativity and dreams and shelter's me
* Being healthy to ride mile after mile on my bicycle
* The amazing people I have met through this community and the incredible support they give me
* Being able to put thoughts and feeling into words down on paper
* Working ~ with people that are kind and having someone to spend lunch with
* The sound and smell of the ocean ~ it calms me, brings me back, and reminds me to feel
* For having the opportunity to experience, feel, and truly enjoy all that is around me
* For being aware of life and living it

What are you grateful for today?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

. . .


Traveling
Yet not sure where I am going
The fog and haze are settling in
I can feel the darkness surrounding me
Engulfing me
I am unsure of how to break free
Tears stain my cheeks as I push on
The feeling of defeat washes over me

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

If we never meet


What if we never meet?
Where will my soul end up traveling?
Will it continue to search over vast oceans,
or will it silently give up and fade away?
Will my mind and heart lose that drive,
or will it simply accept that is the path I am destine for?
What if we never meet?
Will I still be me?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

view

New Paltz, NY

Sometimes it is not what is in front of you that is important
But what is in the background, that you do not pay attention to that really matters

Monday, November 09, 2009

Strong

New Paltz, NY

While hiking on Sunday I was flooded with the thought "I really want to be strong, I really want to be strong, I really want to be strong." This thought consumed me. I thought about how this is the moment in my life to make myself strong.

But what does strong mean? I thought back to manzanita, and how I learned that one word can mean something so different to someone else than what it means to me. Words hold their own meanings in all of our hearts based on where we are in life in that particular moment.

Currently strong means to me:
  • the willingness to put myself out there, be bold and brave
  • facing the challanges in front of me with grace
  • feeling confidant and comfortable in my own skin
  • fully embracing what I love and going for it
  • physically feeling fit and healthy
  • reaching out and asking for help when I need it
I want to feel strong and face this life head on.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

escaped

Ramapo Reservation, NJ

Last night while lying in bed all sorts of incredible thoughts came to my mind
Beautiful words, one right after the other
I begged my mind to remember them
Hoping that when I woke up in the morning they would be there
Waiting patiently for me to write them down
It seems that words, thoughts, and ideas are not as patient as I had hoped
They escaped into the night
Running off leaving me to wonder if they will ever return again

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Gratitude

Heart shaped surprise, New Paltz NY 

When the clocks change 
I change
The darkness nudges it's way into my mind
Pulling me down
Sucking the motivation out from inside me
And watches me struggle until the end of March

The winter is always a difficult time for me
I am going to try my hardest to be positive
and not let the darkness unveil it's evilness on my soul.  
I am going to seek out the beauty of what is around me
Taking note in what I am appreciative for
Pushing myself to smile more
And reaching out for a hug more often than I usually would

Today I am so grateful for:
* * No frost on my car this morning
* * The sun shining and the coldness staying away for the day
* * The thrill inside that arises when watching the NY Yankees
* * Lunch with a new friend
* * Finding something I have been looking for, for a long time

What are you grateful for today?  


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

beauty


Take it all in
Everything that surrounds you
Look around and see the beauty
Listen the little voices calling to you
Taste the goodness that comes
From following your heart  

Sunday, November 01, 2009

arriving

New Paltz, NY

Around my heart a space is held
for all thing beautiful, brave and loving
This space is filled with magic
and a dancing sparkle
Lighting me up from the inside
and radiating beauty from my eyes
I never thought I would be in this space
Feel this full
Experience the comfort of my own skin
I have evolved into a beautiful woman
Strong, tender, and compassionate
Sharing the truth of my story with those around me
Brilliantly brave
Wisdom emulating out of me

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

live


Grounded, originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

live bodly, laugh loudly, love truly.
play as often as you can.
work as smart as you are able
share your heart as deeply as you can reach.
as you awaken
may your dreams
greet you by name and
may you answer, "yes."
as you walk may all of your angels
gather at your shoulders and
may you confidently know
they stand with you.
as you rest
may all of your endeavors
know contentment and peace.

~ mary anne radmacher

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

a little space


I created a little space



Which celebrates pieces of me and gives me the moment to stop and reflect as well



A space to light candles for my dreams


And be inspired by how brave I am

Monday, October 26, 2009

Courage


courage doesn't always roar.  sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'i will try again tomorrow'
~ mary anne radmacher

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Moment in time

Ramapo Reservation, NJ

Sitting close to you
A smile forms on my face
Calmness washes over me
I listen to the sound of your voice
and soak in the beautiful view
For a brief moment in time
beauty surrounds me
But it is shadowed by the truth
The truth of knowing 
that this is a brief encounter
However beautiful and rare it may feel
It will end shortly
A wave of emotions is stirring inside me
Happiness and sadness competing with one another
Neither feeling wins
It is simply a constant battle
Tugging at the heart

Friday, October 23, 2009

Ramapo Reservation, New Jersey

It may be only for a brief moment
but in that moment beauty surrounds me
and takes me in
It is the kind of moment you wish would never end


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Stunning Souls


Manzanita, Oregon

Stunning souls pulled together by the tides pull
Gathering along side the ocean
Bringing with them their own experiences
Bringing with them their own wisdom
Bringing with them an open heart
All different forms of beauty standing strong in one solitary group
Supporting one another
Laughing with one another
Loving one another
A calling deep inside of each of these stunning souls
They knew they had to be their
Present in the moment
Breathing
Unearthing their best self
Beauty, joy, and happiness radiate from these stunning souls
So brightly, so beautiful
Filled with magic
Stunning souls please know that someone is holding the space for you
Ready to reach out with a hug
Remember how brave you are
and how liberating it is to just go for it
Your journey may be long
but you are never alone
Breathe deeply
Breathe deeply
Soak it all in

Monday, October 19, 2009

Oregon Coast

Manzanita, Oregon

Back in New Jersey after spending some incredible days on the Oregon coast at the Be Present Retreat.  It was incredible.  Days filled with hugs, laughter, raw honesty, creating, and moments of seeing how brave I truly am.  I met so many beautiful and inspiring souls that my heart is swelling with happiness.  I feel full inside and my cheeks hurt a bit from smiling so much.    

Sunday, October 11, 2009



"If you don't give yourself credit for all that's good in your life, how can you expect yourself to create more? "

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

eyes


Your eyes so blue
Tell stories of a thousand journey's
So peaceful
So calm
A look of kindness
That everything will be alright
Those eyes are filled with hope
Filled with dreams
Filled with passion
After enduring so much pain
Your eyes feel like love
Are those eyes of angels
I am looking at?
Were you sent to guide me?
To show me the light?
Eyes of love
Do not
stop looking.

Saturday, October 03, 2009


central park friend, nyc

"When you do not know what to do next,
sometimes it is because you have already
done more than you give yourself credit for "
~unknown

one for the road

self portrait, point pleasant NJ

Here is one for the road
When you feel you cannot keep going
but must press on
When the wind is pushing you back
and you do not feel like you are getting ahead

Here is one to make you smile
Give you encouragement
help you along
When you are down and blue
this one is for you

Here is one to let you know
That someone is always there
You are not alone in this
Even when the journey seems endless
Good thing will come around the corner

Here is one for the road
For you to fold up and put in your pocket
To take out and look at when you need to
To remind you that
You are loved and you are cherished

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i write

I write to put my thoughts on paper
To release my mind of the worries and fears I have
I write from my heart
To express what my soul wants the world to hear
I write so that others can see what I feel
To connect with those who understand
I write for myself, but also for you
I write


Sunday, September 27, 2009

allendale, nj

"Yes I know there ain't no finish line, I know this never ends
But I'm just learning how to fall, climb back up again
I know there is nothing perfect, I know there is nothing new"

~everclear, learning how to smile

Thursday, September 24, 2009

magic is in the air


This year I was unable to be surrounded by the magic of squam. A type of magic that really cannot be described in words. But it feels something like:
  • your heart bursting with love
  • the sound of laughter singing it's sweet song
  • stories being shared
  • indviduals breaking their heart open, shedding their fears, and sharing their dreams
  • cuddling around a campfire
  • truly being seen, loved, and cherished for exactly who you are

The list could go on and on. It is the type of feeling that can be seen pouring from my eyes as I talk about my time spent there. A smile coming over my face that I cannot contain. Squam was a dream come true for the creator, Elizabeth. It is a place that will forever be engrained in my heart. The place I grew my wings. It was the place that helped lead me here. A placed swirling with magic.

If you have even the slightest incling that you should go I say take the chance. I would love to gather with you there next year. Snuggle up close next to the fire. Hold you hand as we walk through the woods. And listen to your story.

Monday, September 21, 2009

squam lake, new hampshire

Create the life you want to be living
Be open to accept what the universe has in store for you
Begin to embrace the beauty that surrounds you
You can choose the path you take
Try something that scares you
Doing so will inspire others
Take a deep breath in and
Meditate on what your heart truly desires

Sunday, September 20, 2009

in the park

bench, Central Park NYC

I have never seen another place
where so much diversity stands side by side
as what can be found in Central Park

It is incredible
inspiring
and so fun to be surrounded by

A women playing her violin
A little boy juggling
A group of boys break dancing

You can see it all in the park
Hear all sorts of sounds
And walk side by side with all sorts of people

It is beautiful so see it all in one place
So much to watch, so much to see
People, just being people in the park

Saturday, September 19, 2009

first encounter


Sitting across the table from you
Looking directly into your eyes
Nervousness emulates from my body
As your knee brushes up against mine
And we share stories from days long past

If only there was a way to bottle up this feeling
Nervous
Excited
Scared
Happy
Everything rolled into one ball of emotion

This feeling will only be for tonight
After then we know each other a little bit more
We understand what it is like to be near one another
We feel a little bit more comfortable

We will go onto have fun
Get to know one another
Creat beautiful memories
The feelings floating around tonight will be forgotten
Never even spoked of again

But I want to hold onto this moment in time
Where possibility is in our hands
Things are pure and unjadded
We see only the good
And embrace each other with pure excitment

Thursday, September 17, 2009

...

taken while riding in the MS bike ride

"Surrender to the mystery of it all"

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

the ride

my shadow during the MS bike ride

The goal is set
You go off alone
Determined to make it
The sound of the wind rushing past your ears
Beauty surprising you around every corner
The push up hill is difficult
The miles are long
But you keep going
You garner all your strength and you finish
You do it for those who can not
For those showing there strength even through there suffering
You accomplished what you set out to do

Thursday, September 10, 2009

breathe


breathe, originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

breathe
take it all in
relax
enjoy
this life is beautiful
and you are a part of it

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

taking it all in


, originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

When it comes to photographing people I get all shy and nervous. I am not sure why. But this fear takes over me and I feel so self conscious. I can't shake it. Sure I can be silly and photograph myself with people holding my arm out with camera in hand as far as it can to ensure everyone is in the photo. In fact this is one of my favorite ways to take photos with people. It feels more intimate than someone else taking the camera and snapping the photo. And sure it is easy to photograph flowers, the sunset, and clouds. They are not staring back at me. Watching me contort into all different positions to get the perfect shot. They don't care what the photo looks like after I take it, in fact they don't even ask to see it. But with people it is all so different. They want to see what I snapped and are curious how it comes out. I feel terrified that I will not live up to there expectations of what they thought the photo would look like.
I am still struggling with my larger camera. Still trying to figure out how to get better shots. Not sure if it is my lens but for some reason a lot of my photos (even outdoors) come out a little fuzzy. I just can't figure it out. So the pressure builds when a person is looking at me as a take the picture. The intimate look in there eyes as they allow me to capture a moment in time. I want to feel more comfortable photographing people. I want to learn more about my camera so the photos come out crisp and clear.
For now, to start breaking through my fear I have begun photographing people from behind, when they don't even know I am taking the shot. This gives me time to breathe and relax without them staring right at me. It lets me take the photo without them asking to see it. It is a small step but none the less it is step.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Spinning

Things have been moving so fast,
so furious
I am not even sure when it began,
or if it will end.
But it keeps coming and going
I am running
trying to catch up
trying to stay afloat
It is not easy to move this fast all the time
I am running out of steam

I must take a deep breath
slow down
The world is moving fast
but I don't have to keep up
I can relax
Soak in the beauty
Gain my strength

Take a deep breath
Look around
There is so much the world has to offer

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Calm


Calm, originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

the darkness
and the light
feeling equally intense

this is the moment of
truth
honesty
raw
messy
hopeful
emotions

feel each of them
breathe deeply
let the waves of emotion
wash over you

you will rise up
stronger
braver
wiser
you will be seen
for YOU!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Outdoor Geourgeous Moments

Sunset, view from aunt alices balcony 

*  Riding my bicycle
*  Watching the sunset
*  Beautiful clouds in the sky
*  Star gazing and wishing upon them
*  Sitting around a campfire with the ones I love
*  Swimming
*  Taking photographs of flowers
*  Walking around Verona Park
*  Hiking
*  Painting on a blanket outside
*  Taking an outdoor shower after a day at the beach
*  Being on the beach

Sunday, August 23, 2009

be

George Washington Bridge

be yourself 
there is no one else I would rather you be
you sparkle
you shine
you light up all that is around you

be yourself
the world needs people like you
to help them laugh
ease their fears
and bring out the fun inside them

be yourself
and see yourself as other see you
beautiful
strong
brave

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Perspective


originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

Sometimes at first glance things can appear to be so small
But if you take a moment to stop
and look from a different angle
That matter of perspective just might change

Stop
Look around
Get down real low
See something from a different point of view


Thursday, August 13, 2009

see you there


Glow, originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

Lets meet again
Like we have so many times before

Lets dance beneath the moon,
swim through the oceans tide
and snuggle up close

Lets laugh with one another
Get tangled up in our dreams
and play together

Lets reminisce about times long past
And smile about how met met
And how we never kept in touch

Lets meet again
Like we have so many times before
I will see you there, safely in my dreams

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Library

some of my book collection

Have you ever walked into the library and found yourself smiling from ear to ear?
Quietly walking down each aisle,
browsing all the different titles,
different covers,
different subjects.
Wanting to take each book off the shelf and bring it home with you.  
Everything looks so appetizing.
Covers and titles speaking to your inner core
Calling out to you
Begging to be picked up and brought home.  

Oh!  So many books, and just not enough time.  

Journey

Oaxaca, Mexico

I am on a journey
and at times it seems incredibly long.
I feel like I am climbing up a mountain
but will never reach the point of ecstasy.  

People say to enjoy the process, 
savor the moments, 
stop to look around and take it all in.

It is not always easy to do when you know
what you ultimately want to experience,
and when you feel in your heart
exactly what you are longing for.  

It's not easy when you had a taste of something
so sweet and you can't seem to find that delicacy again.

The mountain seems steeper and steeper 
as the days go on.  
You get out of breathe more quickly and 
fall with your head held down in despair.

Will you ever make it to the top?
Will you ever see, feel, experience
that kind of beauty again?

The journey seems so long, 
so hard, 
so strenuous.  
But the only thing you know how to do
it so keep on going.
And so you do.   

Sunday, August 09, 2009

poetry in motion

music: Upside Down ~ Jack Johnson

**the first time I uploaded my little video it did not upload completely.  So I re posted it, this time in it's entirety.  I hope you enjoy my little creation.  

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Thursday, July 23, 2009

...


originally uploaded by Jennifer Belthoff.

The best decisions, the ones that we never regret, come from listening to ourselves.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

faces of life

Grounds for Sculpture, Hamilton NJ

they follow one another. trudging through the trying times. silence flows between them. unsaid words are understood. the creases on their faces tell their own stories. and the lines on their hands show the hard work that got them this far. times were not always easy, but they always knew they had each other. strangers coming together, forming an incredible bond. making it through the dark nights and dreary days because they all had hope for better days, friends to make them smile and laugh, and kind words for one another. the power of coming together guided them to there dreams.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

listen


Sometimes things can be so great, so amazing, so wonderful
But then there is that little voice calling to me
Letting me know the truth, trying to push me to understand

All too often I push that voice away
Not wanting to face the reality
Not wanting to belive what I know in my heart to be true

I need to listen to my heart
Really listen to what it is saying
I need to tune into the song it is humming,
and start singing along

I tend to get caught up in the moment
Enjoying the here and now,
but what does that mean for the future?

What does my future hold?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I dare....

I dare you to be brave
To put yourself out there,
spread your wings and fly

I dare you to dream
To hope and pray for the
magic to unfold in your life

I dare you to wish upon stars
Smile at strangers and
Listen to those around you

I dare you to realize how beautiful
strong and brave
you truly are

I dare you
to embrace the life you have
and enjoy everything that is before you

I dare you to be yourself
Let yourself shine
and soak in the beauty of life

I dare you!

(what do you dare me to do?)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Moments

small bridge at Celery Farm, in New Jersey

Riding through this magical place called life.
Walking through the flowers.
Reading the thoughts on people's faces.
Hearing stories and
Creating memories.
Taking it all in.
Feel the love that surrounds you.
Gaze up at the clouds and
Wish upon stars.
Sitting with the ones you love
Feels beautiful and warm.
When you take a moment to pause you can
See how lucky you truly are.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Swirling Ideas

Flowers in Brian and Laurie's Garden

Giggling in the rain has been stagnant for too long
and I am not even sure why
After a phone conversation last night with a creative soul ideas starting blossoming inside my mind

I began this site for myself
another medium to express myself through writing and words
It was fun to do, even though I never told anyone I was doing it

Over time I have made some unexpected connections through the magic of the world wide web
I have been give incredible opportunities as well
And have really enjoyed putting myself out there in this way

I am not sure when I turned down the path of not posting
Not sure if it was the rain that was water logging my mind 
Or I just needed time to reflect privately about things unfolding before me

But the sun is now shining in my creative soul
Ideas are swirling around me
And I think giggling in the rain may take on some minor transformations

I am exciting about ideas
even though I am not sure where they will take me
I am sure it will be an adventure :)