Thursday, March 29, 2012

exploring together

We jumped into the car
Headed to the gardens
Admiring everything that was in bloom

We soaked in the sunshine and warm weather
Held hands, laughed
Found unexpected life growing

We soaked in each others company
Walking along, telling stories
Sharing the camera we each captured a part of our adventure

And each other

It was a beautiful day
Feeling so incredibly lucky

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

trapped outside

There are things that I would tell you if I had the courage to speak them.  Words that would tumble out of my mouth abrasivly because I have been fighting for so long to keep them in.  There is hurt embedded deep within and a huge wake of sadness that has engulfed me.  So much living right below the surface that you do not even see

I guess that makes us one in the same.  Hiding something.  Covering it up and not showing the world our true skin because it is not as pretty and perfect as we would like to project.  We numb the pain, hide in our cacoon, and just keep going on pretending nothing has happened.

So desperatly I want to speak these words that I am fighting but I have so much fear of hurting you. Both of us are hurting, quietly in our own corners.  Longing for some sunshine, a space to breathe, a moment to be seen and loved.  How do I break through and walk together with you safely to the other side of darkness?

Monday, March 26, 2012

stepping into your life

It does not matter what size clothing you wear or how much money you make
If you work 60 hours a week at an office or 24/7 at home with your little ones
It does not matter if you live near the ocean or close to the city
Or what your exact age in numbers is

What matters is that you show up
You take the risk and share yourself
You pick up your insecurities and bring them along with you
Then one by one you drop them as we walk along

You begin to tell your stories
Share your heart, open up
You beauty radiates from your eyes
As you step more comfortably into yourself

It is not easy to show our scars
And relax deeply into who we are
To show up with our fears
And feel fully encircled with love and support

But when we it arrives at our doorstep
Arms open, smiles wide
We must embrace it
And show up exactly as we are

These precious moments are a gift
They heal us, take us through, and encourage us
Filling up our wells we start to see we are not alone
We have friends along the journey, holding our hands each step of the way

Feel the love
Savor the joy that comes with it
Know we all have struggles, fears, and insecurities
And step bravely into your life

Saturday, March 24, 2012

into love

Side by side they stood next to one another
Facing the weather that came there way
Looking up towards the sun they had each others back
Soaking in the world around them
They submerged themselves into love

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

gratitude lives within me

It was not that long ago that I was single.  Living alone.  Every night going home, to myself.  No one would come to through my apartment door unless I invited them.  I did things on my own time.  No one to answer to.  No one to look after.  Just me.  My camera, my notebook, my pen, my bicycle, my own little space.

This was the time that followed my last serious relationship and it was some of the best times of my life.   I really did not date anyone but I went off on so many adventures, on my own.  I hiked, rode my bike, and wrote so much.  The library and Starbucks were my stomping ground.  I interacted with strangers, who became friends.  I laughed, danced, and grew closer with myself.  I became confidante in who I was and learned how to strongly stand.  

I took risks, let go, and learned so much.  I learned what I was capable of and how truly strong and brave I am.  I faced fears, climbed mountains, ventured into the city.  I did all of it alone, and soaked it all in.  I knew that these moments were not going to last forever.  Eventually, when the time was right I was going to find someone ~ fall in love ~ and create a life with that individual, so I had to enjoy the opportunity of being with myself.

Of course there were moments when I was lonely and sad.  Wanting someone there to hold hands with, share the moment with, just sit and be together with.  But that feeling would pass and I would realize how lucky I was.  I had many conversations with a friend about what a blessing it was to have this time, and to learn so much about myself.  Not everyone is able to appreciate the beauty that lies in being alone and I fully embraced each moment.

I was proud to be carving out a life for myself.  Finding the things I really loved and just going out and doing them.  I was happy walking to the ice cream store on  a warm summer night and sitting under the stars soaking it all in.  I loved just getting on my bicycle and wandering around never having to worry about being home at a specific time.  I was able to lose myself in the beauty of the world and travel wherever my heart took me.  I got lost and found myself again, many times over.

All of that time alone was one big adventure for me of getting lost and finding myself again.  I always arrived safely at home, happy.  Each day I grew and learned.  Gaining independence from my fears and insecurities.  Standing deeply in who I am and practicing being seen over and over again.

I am so grateful for that beautiful adventure.  So grateful for showing up and taking risks. Succeeding and failing.  I got hurt, that is for sure.  But I also experienced so much joy, laughed deeply, and cultivated beautiful friendships.  I was stitching myself together so that I could safely arrive here.  Had I not seeked out the journey, took risks, and pushed myself  I would not have been open to love.  But I traveled, weathered the storm, marched forth, and I have arrived.

My heart is open and my soul is overflowing with gratitude.  It was beautiful, all of it.  Even the messy parts, the tears, the mice.  It all added something to my life character and helped to build me and open me up.  For this I am incredibly grateful and blown away.  I am deeply amazed that I had the opportunities and chances that I had.

One thing I learned along the way is that I helped to craft those moments.  I cannot just chalk it all up to luck, like I tend to do.  I must give myself credit for taking the risk, being brave, and showing up.  Had I not done that none of this would have unfolded.  But I stood there, deep in all of it.  And because of that I stand here today, heart happy ~ deeply in love ~ strong in who I am ~ fully enjoying this beautiful life.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

taking the unknown step forward

I am standing on the edge
Visioning myself step forward into a new world of unknown
A place of uncertainty, hard work, and hours of dedication
I can picture this place so vividly
When I do my heart feels full, my soul lights up, and I am happy
I am transported there, as if this place is real

In order to get there I must step forward
I must risk it all to make it happen
I am afraid of failing
Afraid that I really do not know what I am doing
The demons crawl into my head screaming their harsh words
"you are not good enough, who do you think you are"
It is a battle fighting against them

But in my soul I know that I can do this
In my mind I am already there
Living my dream life
We all deserve to live out our dreams
When opportunity knocks, you cannot slam the door shut
It takes courage, it is a huge risk, but in the end so very worth it

So I must take the step forward
Deep into the unknown
Faking it until I make it
Spreading my wings
Learning how to soar

Thursday, March 15, 2012

filling up my heart

It is the little things in life that fill us up with love and happiness. Those tiny slivers of light that infuse us with hope.  These precious moments create our days and inspire us to go after our dreams.  For each of them, no matter how small they are I am grateful.  Here is a sliver of moments that have been filling my well.

*  a walk after work with me and my camera.  it has been to long since we have been together
*  a phone conversation with Mindy, this girl totally rocks my world!
*  the smell of spring in the air
*  words spilling onto the paper
*  taking time for myself to open a book
*  laughter amongst friends
*  windows and doors opening up
*  feeling him curl up next to me in the middle of the night
*  light spilling into my car on the drive home
*  photographs that bring me back

What is filling up your heart these days?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

taking hold of life

It was here
On the waters edge that she was ready to listen
The sound of the ocean healed her
The voice from within spoke calmly
Nudging her to observe her surroundings
Soak in the beauty, the peace, the warmth

She picked up her demons
The ones who have been trailing her for to long
And tossed them far into the ocean
They have been hanging around to much lately
Dragging her through the mud kicking and screaming

She was strong enough to let go
And so she did just that
There was no grand gesture, no harsh words said
Just a simple goodbye as they splashed into the sea
And the weight from her shoulders was lifted

She was in control now
Ready to write her own story
Create her next adventure
With camera and notebook in tow she stepped forward
Into the one life that was hers, the life she was choosing to live

Monday, March 12, 2012

crafting my life map

Time is moving past me at warp speed 
I reach out trying to slow it down but cannot get a firm grip
The days pass quickly
My senses dimmed, I am a machine put to work
A whirlwind of change has swept me off my feet, guided me from the path I knew
I am seeking out a different way to travel
Charting an unknown course
My life has been forever altered
I am exactly where I am suppose to be,
I just need to discover the balance between work, play, love, and soul
I do not have a map to guide me
I will paint my own, undertaking the ever changing terrain
With an open mind and a heart filled with love I will journey forward

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

who you are with

We will each go on many adventures throughout life
Ride the roller coaster of emotions
Have incredible highs and deep dark lows

There will be moments of truth and joy
And moments where we hang our head and cry
A whole spectrum of emotions will run through us

There will be the every day
Getting up, brushing our teeth, going to work
Navigating through our daily routine

Every moment adds a layer to who we are
A memory created
An unexpected twist taking us in a new direction

It does not matter where our feet are standing
What is important is the bonds we have formed along the way
And the individuals we stand with

The friendships and love that have been carefully crafted
As each of you travel on your journey
You have found each other

To laugh with, support, dance, cry, even drink margaritas with
You are there for each other
Showing up exactly as you are and being embraced with love

These moments that make up our life
Leaving a mark on our soul
And we are never the same

Embrace them when they come your way
For they are a rare precious jewel
That needs to be treated with kindness and respect

Because in life
It is not about where you are
But who you are with

Friday, March 02, 2012

bringing dreams to life

The idea is right there
Living in your heart
It wants to come out and experience the journey

It may be difficult
Heart ache may occur
But that is the risk you have to take
Put it all out on the line, and leap

Bold achievements do not occur easily
But with hard work, sweat, and tears they are possible
So strap yourself in, dig in your heal and take the chance