I can write

I can write with the love that my family fills me up with
I can write with the pieces of forgiveness that make it easier to breathe in this world
I can write with my expansive heart
I can write with the sound of the ocean scooping up my fears and worries
I can write with the stars that carry my wishes and dreams until the moment they come true
I can write with the darkness that creeps in telling me that I am not good enough
I can write with the adventure that takes me places I have never seen
I can write with openness showing the world my heart and soul
I can write

connection

I am reflecting on my word from 2010 ~ connection
It is amazing to see all the ways it has manifested itself
Without me even knowing it was hard at work

Connections with my family have grown deeper and stronger
Forming bonds between different individuals
Watching some push themselves to achieve their goal
Soaking in the sunshine at the beach
Vacations 
Art nights
Surprises
Coming together in a time of need
Games played and laughter shared
Memories made
Lemon crushes being poured
And just knowing that "if you play it, they will come"

My roots have also grown deeper with my tribe
Using all sorts of technology to stay connected
The little message that arrive in the palm of my hand
The card in the mailbox
Encouraging words and kind comments left
All of them lifting me up right when I need it most
Leaving me feeling seen for exactly who I am
Traveling to North Carolina and being engulfed by love
All of it leaves my heart feeling full with joy
It continues to amaze me how we each support one another
I love watching it all unfold

Other individuals stood by my side and held my hand
Right when I needed it
An unexpected connection
A conversation that changed my life
Moments where I shared pieces of me
And they in turn opened up to share pieces of themselves
What a beautiful experience

I had unexpected adventures with friends
Watching them push themselves
Just a little bit further than they thought they could go
Laughing as silly string covered my apartment
Watching the beauty of fireworks light up the sky
Listening to one another over a cup of coffee
Dinner together
Backyard games
All sorts of fun shared

I learned a lot about myself in 2010
About what moves me
What makes me drag my feet and waste my time
I let go of things that I was holding onto in my heart
Things that were weighing me down and no longer served me
I forgave myself
And shared this story of forgiveness with the world
I also declared that just as I am in this very moment
I am enough
Even in January I knew I was exactly where I needed to be
I feel a deeper connection to my heart and soul
And an inner confidence I did not have before

I soaked up the wave of weather that blesses the east coast
Walking in the snow
Being a book fairy
Hiking in the woods
Traveling into nyc alone
Feeling the rays of sunshine as the sun kissed my skin
I got lost on my bicycle
Dug my feet into the sand
Found new places
Explored the area around me
Went off on an adventure to Philly
I spent a lot of time breathing in the fresh air

2010 has been a year of deep connection for me
Manifesting itself as I went out and lived life
Allowing me the opportunity to giggle in the rain

reflection

2010 is coming to a close

Take time to look back

On all the love that has surrounded you

The things that brought tears to your eyes

And the moments of your greatest triumphs

Even look at your deepest inner struggles

They all link together

Each a piece of your puzzle

Forming you

Whole and full

Reflect on it all

Embrace each memory

Be thankful 

For all that surrounds you

All that encompasses you

Life is a beautiful journey

Each day you take a step deeper into it

warm wishes

Sending you many warm wishes during this holiday season

Hoping your hearts are filled with joy
Laughter is ringing in your ears
And that you are surrounded by those you love

Also sending out prayers and healing thoughts to those who could not be with us

Loving you all xoxox

"i'm better for it"

I have been holding onto a story deep inside
Playing it on repeat in my mind
Ashamed for the decision I had made
Guilt clouded over my perception of who I was

Until I got brave
I told my story
I wrote it out of me
Guilt, shame, sadness, fear, loneliness, heartache
I gave all of these feelings a voice
Pieces of my wounded heart began to heal
I was finally able to see clearly again
I learned that I am not my past decisions
Yes, they are a part of me
But they do not define me
I am much more than the choice I made
I am worthy of love
I am capable of love
I do not need to be afraid

I shared the truth of my story
The messy parts
The ones we tend to not want others to see
In doing so I healed my soul
Forgave myself for my mistakes
Showed compassion for the situation
And now I can breathe a little bit easier
The weight I was carrying around has been let got

If you would like to read my story you can find it here over on my dear friend Kolleen's blog ~ Heartwing Sisters.  I am so grateful for her giving me the space to share my story.  "I'm Better For It" is a beautiful collaboration of real stories from the heart where people share what is they are better for going through.

sit next to me

Come sit next to me
Tell me what it is that is deep in your heart
Whisper to me those words you have been to scared say
I will listen to whatever it is you have to say

Giggle with me
And let the sun shine down on us
Come sit next to me
Share your dreams with me
Together lets explore them

I want to hear what you have to say
I want to see the look in your eyes while you speak
I want to be there for you
So come, sit next to me

live wide open

    french town, nj

Live wide open
These words sounding in her ears
Playing on repeat to ensure it is etched into her soul
A thought she cannot seem to shake


Live wide open
She is not exactly sure what it means
How to do it or if it is even possible
But she knows she must try to figure it out


Live wide open
Granting all emotions and experiences to come
Leaning into them
Finding them and feeling them


Live wide open
Her heart knows this is the only way
Her mind knows that it will be tough
But she knows that must live wide open

a feeling

I feel that there is something bigger inside me. Something that I cannot seem to place my finger on. A feeling of having a grander purpose. A bigger meaning. Finding a way to make a difference. Yet here I am sitting still. Going no where fast.

I can feel the stirring inside me. The pull that tells me where I am and what I am doing is only for this moment. There is something else out there for me. There is something my heart yearns for. A different road to travel down.

But what is this thing? What something is it that I am being pulled blindly towards? I feel like I am in a dark room. Trying to find my way to the door yet unsure if a door even exist.

This pulling. This stirring. This feeling. This knowing of something more. All of it is there. But what is the something?

forgive

The words are there

Deep in our heart

Sometimes we bury them

Afraid of letting others see what is really there

We are ashamed even though it was our own actions

We must give voice to what lies below

Let is be seen and heard

Not be fearful of others judgments

We must let it go

Learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes

feeling alive

mindy and I at squam by the sea

A year had past from when I first met Mindy on the Oregon Coast at the Be Present Retreat. At that time I had no idea of the incredible influence we would both have on one another. Thanks to squam arts workshops, Mindy and I had the opportunity to connect again in person near the ocean but this time on the opposite coast.

It was our last night by the sea. We were in the living room of the main house. Mindy sat with her elbows on her knees on the wooden coffee table directly across from me. I sat in the same position on the couch. We leaned into one another as we both opened up our hearts. I wanted to soak in Mindy as much as I could before we had to say our goodbyes.

Mindy's voice was filled with joy and enthusiasm as she talked about her painting and how I have inspired and opened her up. She shared with me some of her dreams as her eyes were sparkling and an enormous smile was beaming from her face. I sat there listening to her speak soaking in that beautiful accent of hers.

We spoke of writing and painting and reflected back to each other the beauty that we each radiate but sometimes struggle to see. Mindy cracked open my heart and soul. She gently lead me to see, feel, and know that my words have the ability to have an effect on others. They can inspire, heal, and even help someone.

As Mindy and I shared our stories my heart filled up with love and gratitude. The world works in magical ways. A girl from New Jersey and a girl from Arkansas crossed paths in Oregon. But that was just the beginning of their story.

I am so honored to watch Mindy spread her wings and fly. She is soaring and it is beautiful. I am also so grateful for that moment in time when I got to sat across from Mindy and felt truly alive. I look forward to all that has yet to be.

~~~

Mindy is a mixed media artist living in Arkansas. She has a passion and joy for life and a smile that is contagious. You can see read more about Mindy on her blog at Tim's Sally and see all of her beautiful creations in her Etsy Shop.

arriving

It has taken time

In certain moments it felt like an eternity

I was not always standing tall

Brave

Strong

There were occasions when I had fallen to my knees

Tears soaking my cheeks

Feeling like I could not take one more step forward

But I did

I stepped forward

Slowly finding my footing

Learning with each progression ahead

Finding my own way

This does not mean that it is all sunshine and laughter

The constant ebb and flow of life is still there

It keeps me whole

Breathes energy into me

And teaches me to observe

But I do feel an inner peace

A sense of wholeness within

It begins with a smile deep in my soul

Letting me know that I am on the right path

Digging deep

Falling down

Getting back up

Traveling along life's path with my eyes wide open

I cherish....

* I cherish my studio apartment and the love and strength I feel when I am here

* I cherish giggling in the rain. It is a door that has lead me to so many wonderful and inspiring people

* I cherish my proximity to my family. Living so close allows us the opportunity to spend so much time together. It is lovely.

* I cherish art retreats and how much my world has grown because of them. Opening my eyes and heart up to so much love and support.

* I cherish that I live so close to mountains that I can hike in. Taking a walk through nature always opens my heart and clears my head.

* I cherish my bicycle. Giving me so much freedom and the opportunity to explore the world around me in fresh new ways.

* I cherish my friendships and the love and support we give one another. Nothing is more powerful than what an happen when we are kind to one another, cheer each other on, and support one another.

* I cherish my connection with writing. It heals me. Pushes me forward and allows me a place to show myself to the world.

* I cherish the sound of the ocean and the feel of sand beneath my toes. Nothing grounds me more than the ocean.

* I cherish kindness. It is what brings us together. Lifts us up. And propels us forward

~ what do you cherish?

opening

I was standing there

But I felt like I was somewhere else

Looking in on this interaction that was taking place

I was speaking

Yet I was not sure where the words were coming from

I felt like myself yet also totally outside of myself

Words were coming out of my mouth

Yet I was not even sure what I was saying

They came quickly and without thought

My heart was beating a little bit faster

Redness flooded my cheeks

I surprised myself with my inner reaction

I was not sure exactly what I was saying

Or even where it was coming from

All I knew is that I wanted to keep the conversation going

I wanted to hear more

Listen to the stories

Look into those eyes

What does one say to someone they never met before

But would like the privilege of getting to know?

What are the right words to bring someone in?

What was coming out of my mouth sounded foreign

I was stumbling over words and thoughts

Struggling a bit to keep myself going

Then I walked away

Without looking back

Never asking the question I really wanted to ask

I was awakened with nervous energy

Pulled towards this unknown

Filled up with hope again

A brief interaction

Infusing my heart

With the possibility of what lies ahead

sun

When the sun shines

Lift your head up towards the sky

Feel the warmth on your face

And soak it all in

Beauty surrounds you

Engulfs you

And heals you

thankful

I am so thankful

For this precious life I have been given

For the journeys my feet have taken me on

And for my wide expansive heart

That just keeps opening with each new experience

I am so thankful

To be dancing around this earth

And have the chance to soak it in

The laughter, the tears, the heartbreak, the joy

I am so thankful to feel all of it

Love surrounds me

Family

Friends

Scarf sisters

Each of them filling me up with so much

I am so thankful for each of them

Life is pretty amazing

Each day a precious gift

Where opportunity awaits

I thankful to get to share my life here

With all of you

Thank you

To all of you

For loving me

Seeing me

Taking me in

I am so very thankful

story

Your story is in your heart

Just waiting to be told

You made it here

To this point

To this day

You may have struggled

Got lost along the way

Veered off path

But here you are

Right where you are suppose to be

You are beautiful

You are strong

You are brave

You deserve to be seen

You deserve to shine

The world needs to hear

What you have to say

The worlds need to hear

Your story

Tell it, share it, speak it outloud

put yourself out there

You have to put yourself out there

Experience it

Joy and pain

Happiness and sadness

You have to put yourself out there

Show your beautiful face to the world

Let them see you dance

Let them see you sing

You have to put yourself out there

Be vulnerable and open

Share your stories

Let others in

You have to put yourself out there

Because it is the only way to open up that heart of yours

To feel

To live

To be

"your good"

"your good" he says

When I am deep down in the trenches

Unsure of how I will find my way out

Struggling, fighting, blinded by the road ahead

"your good" he says

When I think I cannot take another step

Exhaustion setting in

Thoughts of failure overtaking my confidence

"your good" he says

When I feel defeated

My hope has dwindled

And I am struggling to see myself

No matter where I am

he says "your good"

And he is right

I am good

If I am deep in the trenches

Struggling to take another step

or fighting to keep hope alive

I am good

In that moment

Where ever I am

I am exactly where I need to be

I am good

I have worked hard to get to that point

Persevered and pushed myself forward

I have been on the constant look out for how to take the next step

And when I find it I forge right ahead and take it

I may not be where I want to be

I may wish to be further along on the journey

I may stumble and I may fall

But wherever I am, I am good

Grateful

I am grateful because

You listen to what I am feeling

You help me find answers to the difficult questions

You open up my eyes to a new way of seeing

Or you confirm that I need to follow my inner voice

I am grateful because

You allow me the space to open up

You are tender

You are kind

You are there for me

I am grateful because

You stand in that space with me

You see me

Exactly as I am

And you accept that person

I am grateful

For who you are

And how you show yourself to the world

You lead by example

And you go for it

For all of this I am grateful

i am enough

Wherever you are

Whatever you are doing

Know that you are enough

Exactly as you are

Even if your house is a mess

There are dishes to be cleaned

The bills have yet to be paid

Your dreams have not yet come true

Even though everything may not be perfect

It is still enough

And you are enough

Just as you are

I hope you will hop on over to Tracey Clarks blog to read my guest post on being enough.

wish

So grateful

For this moment

This day

And having the ability to wish and dream

my best days are ahead of me

estoy listo

beach writing, nags head NC

I walk in the door to my apartment

The quietness engulfs me

It reminds me that I am alone

This reminder of being alone

Is packed full with intense emotion

At times I embrace the silence

It allows me the opportunity to dig deep into my thoughts

Create beautiful things with my hands

And connect with myself

But there are moments when that stillness is deafening

Feelings of isolation surface

A longing for connection swirls inside me

And tears fill my eyes

A constant tug back and forth

Elation and heartache

I cherish the solitude

But souls simply grow better when they are together

Each one reflecting back the others brilliance

Balancing and nudging the other forward

Lifting them up and holding their hand

For awhile I was not ready to embrace love

I needed to venture down my own path

Even though I was unsure of what that was

I stumbled and I fell

But I learned how to pick myself back up

The lessons that came my way were not always easy

But they were powerful

And opened my eyes up to the beauty in telling the truth

I feel confident in myself

Sure of the steps I am taking

And I am ready to not only give love

But to receive it in return

***

"souls just grown better together" ~ paraphrased from Elizabeth

Squam by the Sea

Nags Head NC ~ squam by the sea

My heart is full

and so filled up with love

I spent four marvelous days in Nags Head NC

Soaking in the magic that happens at squam arts workshops

I was seen for who I am by others

And for the very first time truly saw myself

I am a writer, what a glorious thing to realize

Breathtaking

Beautiful

Honest

Open

Loving

Soulfull

Tender

Brave

These are just a few of the words that describe what it is like being surrounded by the most radiant women and engulfed in their love. There is something so powerful about women coming together. Souls supporting one another, truly seeing one another, and reflecting back what we see to each other. Magic. Pure love and magic.

My world is a little bit brighter these days

Beauty surrounds me

And happiness fills my heart

Thank you squamettes

For being brave

Following the bat signal

And traveling to the sea

I cannot imagine my life without you

Sending you my love xoxo

To see clearly

Mindy's beautiful ring. Nags Head, NC ~ squam by the sea

She had to look through

Someone else's eyes to see clearly

She needed them to reflect

Back what they saw

She did not see it in her

She did not even know it was their

It was the vision of another

That opened her up to herself

Without them looking

She never would have

Saw it

Without their eyes

Hers would still be closed

Precious Moments

Last year this time I was on the Oregon Coast

Surrounded by the most amazing women

Each one so talented, so brave,

So willing to open up and share themselves

It was a moment in time that is forever etched in my heart

And since then I have not been the same

We stood along side one another

Held each others hands

Gave each other space to grow

We were present in the moment

And with each other

We learned how precious sisterhood really is

And we felt the power that happens when women come together

We laughed

We cried

We opened each other up

And held the space for one another

Even though a year has flown by

This sisterhood has remained strong

Support and love swirls through this group

My eyes well up with tears

When a candle is lit

A prayer is said

A hug is given

And a cheer is sung from the mountain tops

Even if it is virtual

It is filled with deep meaning

Thank you scarf sisters

For being exactly who you are

For spreading your wings

And soaring

The journey you are on is precious

And I am so lucky to watch it all unfold

so lucky!

My heart feels full

So incredibly full

I am surrounded by love

Encircled by people who support me

Cheer me on

And truly want to see me shine

How did I get so lucky?

I am amazed and in awe

Of all the love that swirls around me

Each kind word cracks my heart open a little more

Every high five brings a smile to my face

A knowing glance

A warm embrace

All of these things fill me up

How did I get so lucky?

I stand here

My soul overflowing with joy

An enormous smile on my face

Grateful for each encounter

I am so lucky in this life

And so appreciative for the chance to experience it

Thank you universe!

I stand here

I stand here

In an unknown city

Falling deeply into myself

There are parts of me that hurt

Pieces that feel broken

But I stand here

I stand here

Submerging myself into the moment

Refusing to answer any questions

Because it is here where I belong

Traveling down my path

So I stand right here

it was here

thank you

I stand here

In the middle of all of this

Thinking of those I love

My heart is full

With emotions that are impossible to express

I am so lucky

That seems to be the only way to describe it

So very lucky

I stand here feeling blessed

For everyone that I have encountered in my life

The friendships that have developed deep over time

The brief encounters of strangers passing by

And my family who has stood beside me through it all

The moments of laughter that have filled up my soul

And the tears that have fell from eyes because I dug deep and let myself go

I am grateful for all of these things

And grateful for everyone in my life

It is theses moments

And each individual

That make my life so special

Thank you for coming into my life

Touching my soul the way you have

Because of you I have smiled more

And felt the beauty of life

Showing up

I show up here 

because it is food for my soul

A space for my mind and heart 

to purge all the contents that are swirling around

I show up here

because I know no other way

This page is a canvas for me to paint my words on

A blank slate to open up into

I show up here

because it is here that I feel seen

I am freely able to express my thoughts, ideas, and feelings

With unwavering support from others

I show up here

because it allows me the ability to connect 

with myself and with others

It is here that I know I am not alone

I show up here

and I am so glad that you show up as well

Thank you for every time you visit

And for each comment you make

Reading what you have to say lights me up inside

I see you, in all your beauty

I show up here 

to feel the connection we all have

We are never alone, ever

Celebrate you

We are each on a journey

Traveling deeply into it

Struggling at times

Laughing at other times

But always, always growing

Time passes by quickly

Before we know it a year is gone

And we have traveled through so much

Just look back a year from today

Now look back a little bit father, and a little bit father

Go ahead read the very first blog entry you wrote

I'll wait. . .

How about you read the one you wrote this time last year,

or two years ago

My how you have grown

Celebrate that

Celebrate the things that brought you down

And the moments that lifted you up

Celebrate each of them

For it is these moments that make up you

And you are who you are is uniquely beautiful

Celebrate that,

Absolutely celebrate Y*O*U!

Believe

If there is one thing to believe in

In this ever changing world

The one thing to believe in

Is yourself

Always believe in yourself

Before all things

Bet on yourself to win

To come out on top

You can always do it

You always have

And you always will

Believe in yourself

ramblings from a park bench

I am sitting in the middle of this city

So much is going on around me

People passing by

Each on their own journey

I hear snippets of peoples lives

Snapshots of their most intimate details

Entering my ears as they rush by

Feelings of amazement wash over me as I sit here

I am trying to do my best to soak it all in

To really look at how different everyone is

Yet understand that internally we are all the same

A beating heart

Blood pumping

Thoughts

Ideas

Feelings

All of these unseen things connect us

They make us more similar than different

We are more than the clothes we wear

We are more than the job title we have

We are more than the music we listen to

I fantazie about where each of them is going

What is it they are up to

I wonder what their life is like

It is so easy to get soaked into our selfish existence

Forgetting that their are others out there

People we have yet to meet

They are living life

Going through all sorts of things

Struggling, standing, falling,

And picking themselves back up again

I can see more clearly now

I am not the only one that feels pain and happiness

I am not the only one who stumbles time and time again

I am not the only one learning how to gain my footing in this world

There are people out their with broken hearts

They feel lonely, inadequate, and unloved

Their are others out there living life

Soaking in the beauty of the every day

In fact there is a whole world of people

Each of their lives is different than my own

They know different people

Do different things

Have different experiences

Yet they all have one thing in common

They all feel something

Each person experiencing pain, happiness

Laughter and tears

It may not look the same to you are I

But the feeling is the same

Taking the time to sit and watch others

I am able to soak all of this in

Their is much to be seen

Much to be heard

The lives of others are unravelling before us