Saturday, March 12, 2011

struggling



It seems as if there are very few places
Where I am showing up lately
My physical body is there
But my mind is off
Wandering
Not able to make one complete thought
Finding it impossible
To engage in conversation
Concentrate on what I am doing
Listen to what others are saying

There are very few places
Where I am feeling like myself
Strong
Confident
Present in the moment

I have been holding back
Building up this wall around me
Censoring my words
Pushing feelings and thoughts aside

In the brief moments that I have been feeling myself
I have been having deep conversations
Over a shared meal
Spilling out contents of my heart onto the table
With a kind soul sitting across from me
Telling me not what I want to hear
But what is true in this world

I feel like I am falling into darkness
Unsure of how to pull myself out
Struggling

9 comments:

Kelly Berkey said...

big, big, cyber hug to you. i know how you are feeling, we all go through this. especially artist souls.
i hope you find your way. i say now that instead of working on "finding myself" i work on "creating myself".

for some reason it makes me happy to know i have all the control. finding is much harder than creating.

just remember to spend more time taking the wall down than building it, and you will be ok!!
love and friendship,
kelly

melissa said...

oh big hugs. i can relate to your struggling. you are not alone...if you need anything, i am here. xo

Anonymous said...

Journey within your heart and embrace that which seeks the light of day, set free the darkness by embracing the wisdom it teaches

valerie said...

dear sweet soul,
i am sending you love and light and a reminder that you are this strong, creative voice that the world needs. I wish I were closer, sitting across the table from you, there to listen, and to share my own similar struggle.
i am always only a phone call away my friend!
big love,
v

Dyche Designs said...

I know how that feels, sending you hugs across the miles.

Ella said...

Jennifer,
This is part of the creative process, the ups n' downs. Keep writing, but find a new creative way to express yourself, it may release this feeling! Artist make waves, lots of shift in the creative soup.
Go on an art date, explore a place you haven't been. Time for something new! xXx

Lisa Gonzalez - Happy Mama said...

Oh sweet friend, I wish I could hug you! I understand this feeling. You are not alone. so many of us are here with you, loving you from afar, sending comfort and courage your way. I hope you feel it.

Love love love <3

artistaprilcole@gmail.com said...

Incredible words... loving it!
Explore new avenues, might spark creativity in a new direction :]

Lori said...

Jennifer, this just made me tear up. Your honesty and vulnerability is palpable and beautiful. Not to mention your words POETRY. Sending you hugs and love.