Sunday, June 13, 2010

A secret dream

Deep in my heart a dreams lies.  Hidden in the darkness.  Covered with dust.  It has always been there, but as time has passed the dream has become dormant.  My lips are terrified to speak of it.  My mind too scared to even think about it.  But dear Kelly Rae is giving Flying Lessons and she is teaching us to spread our wings, acknowledge our fears, and speak them out loud.  So I am taking the leap and sharing my dream.  

I always dreamed of being a teacher.  Every since I was a little girl I  held that dream in my heart.  I remember receiving a "teachers kit" for Christmas one year.  It was filled with all sorts of fun things like report cards, a roll call book, stickers, awards, a pointer, and a little American flag.  I would make my brothers sit at the kitchen table with me and play school.  Me being the teacher and them the students.  When they wouldn't play with me I would go to my bedroom alone and still take on the role of teacher all by myself, and I was happy.  

As I sit here thinking about what it is that I really want to cultivate in life, being a teacher came right to mind.  The thought of it terrifies me.  What if I fail?  What if people do not like me?What if I am terrible at it?  Am I to shy to teach?  This fear has stunted me from putting myself out their and taking any steps to achieving my dream.  

Awhile back I was a preschool teacher for three year olds.  Oh how I loved it.  Creating lesson plans, doing art, connecting with the kids.  All of it made my heart sing.  I loved going to work.  I looked forward to seeing those children and getting the chance to interact with them.  Once I left the preschool my dream became silent and the fear grew. 

I can feel in my heart that working in a public school would not make me happy.  But teaching in some fashion would.  Teaching an appreciation for life, each other, our environment.   Being kind to one another and sharing our stories.  Creating along side each other.  Watching each other bloom and grow.  I am not sure exactly what it would look like.  But I do know that I am going let the thought of teaching sit inside me.  Now that I got the courage to speak it out loud I am going to let the idea grow and expand.  

What is it that you secretly dream about but are to afraid to say?  What is holding you back from speaking it out loud?  Share it here today, I will hold your hand as you speak that secret dream.    


Kolleen said...

oh how lucky they would be!!!! for my dream.
well, i want my heartwingsisters to spread their message ALL over the world!!!
and my fear is rejection and i keep them close. silly, huh??!!

love you bunches!

Ellie said...

Jennifer, so glad you put it out there; It frees your soul! I have the book flying lessons,not taking the class. It seems to be freeing your road blocks, to let the real you come through!

I have always wanted to be an art teacher or have my worked published, perhaps both. I see art in everything. I have tucked my dream away. My father encouraged me to go to business school. I didn't follow the path
I wanted. I felt I wasn't talented enough Or did he make me feel I wasn't talented enough? I am creative, but is it enough, sometimes I think so, sometimes not so much.

What kind of teaching do you want to do? I struggle with my family, my time management, my space to do what I want to do.

I like letting the seed out and see what direction the wind will take me, but I also have to water and give my dreams nutrients to grow!

I love what you wrote...perhaps you could teach high school or be a Life coach and teach people how to find their dreams. Your writing is so poetic, you could teach by writing a book. Endless possibilities~

Robin Norgren-Well of Creations said...

hi there, so glad we are going through flying lessns toether!-Robin

chrissy said...

dearest jennifer.
CUL*TI*VATE that dream my dear.
it.s funny, one of my dreams has been to be an "art" teacher to the youth, i am always jealous when my kids come home and show me what they did in art. i think.."i wanna play too!", but i agree with the public school system and now in az. they want to cut all extra curriculars so that would include art...but recently have thought of all the "at risk" children that could use art to express themselves, i am talking about those children who can.t afford art supplies and i would love to be able to start a center where artists could donate their used art supplies to help with my project...
WOW...that hasn.t come out of my mouth before jennifer...that was kinda scary!
thanks for sharing and thanks for asking and i know that you would be the BEST teacher ever....
you already ARE a teacher to me sister, i just don.t pay you!

elizabeth said...

You are a teacher. You are teaching us about speaking our truth. I can't wait to watch your dream slowly unfold.

K8 said...

wow, that is so cool. from one shy girl to another, "you go girl!" :) perhaps there is some small baby volunteering to assist with a kids' art class or something...that could start you in that direction...