I can write

I can write with the love that my family fills me up with
I can write with the pieces of forgiveness that make it easier to breathe in this world
I can write with my expansive heart
I can write with the sound of the ocean scooping up my fears and worries
I can write with the stars that carry my wishes and dreams until the moment they come true
I can write with the darkness that creeps in telling me that I am not good enough
I can write with the adventure that takes me places I have never seen
I can write with openness showing the world my heart and soul
I can write

connection

I am reflecting on my word from 2010 ~ connection
It is amazing to see all the ways it has manifested itself
Without me even knowing it was hard at work

Connections with my family have grown deeper and stronger
Forming bonds between different individuals
Watching some push themselves to achieve their goal
Soaking in the sunshine at the beach
Vacations 
Art nights
Surprises
Coming together in a time of need
Games played and laughter shared
Memories made
Lemon crushes being poured
And just knowing that "if you play it, they will come"

My roots have also grown deeper with my tribe
Using all sorts of technology to stay connected
The little message that arrive in the palm of my hand
The card in the mailbox
Encouraging words and kind comments left
All of them lifting me up right when I need it most
Leaving me feeling seen for exactly who I am
Traveling to North Carolina and being engulfed by love
All of it leaves my heart feeling full with joy
It continues to amaze me how we each support one another
I love watching it all unfold

Other individuals stood by my side and held my hand
Right when I needed it
An unexpected connection
A conversation that changed my life
Moments where I shared pieces of me
And they in turn opened up to share pieces of themselves
What a beautiful experience

I had unexpected adventures with friends
Watching them push themselves
Just a little bit further than they thought they could go
Laughing as silly string covered my apartment
Watching the beauty of fireworks light up the sky
Listening to one another over a cup of coffee
Dinner together
Backyard games
All sorts of fun shared

I learned a lot about myself in 2010
About what moves me
What makes me drag my feet and waste my time
I let go of things that I was holding onto in my heart
Things that were weighing me down and no longer served me
I forgave myself
And shared this story of forgiveness with the world
I also declared that just as I am in this very moment
I am enough
Even in January I knew I was exactly where I needed to be
I feel a deeper connection to my heart and soul
And an inner confidence I did not have before

I soaked up the wave of weather that blesses the east coast
Walking in the snow
Being a book fairy
Hiking in the woods
Traveling into nyc alone
Feeling the rays of sunshine as the sun kissed my skin
I got lost on my bicycle
Dug my feet into the sand
Found new places
Explored the area around me
Went off on an adventure to Philly
I spent a lot of time breathing in the fresh air

2010 has been a year of deep connection for me
Manifesting itself as I went out and lived life
Allowing me the opportunity to giggle in the rain

reflection

2010 is coming to a close

Take time to look back

On all the love that has surrounded you

The things that brought tears to your eyes

And the moments of your greatest triumphs

Even look at your deepest inner struggles

They all link together

Each a piece of your puzzle

Forming you

Whole and full

Reflect on it all

Embrace each memory

Be thankful 

For all that surrounds you

All that encompasses you

Life is a beautiful journey

Each day you take a step deeper into it

warm wishes

Sending you many warm wishes during this holiday season

Hoping your hearts are filled with joy
Laughter is ringing in your ears
And that you are surrounded by those you love

Also sending out prayers and healing thoughts to those who could not be with us

Loving you all xoxox

"i'm better for it"

I have been holding onto a story deep inside
Playing it on repeat in my mind
Ashamed for the decision I had made
Guilt clouded over my perception of who I was

Until I got brave
I told my story
I wrote it out of me
Guilt, shame, sadness, fear, loneliness, heartache
I gave all of these feelings a voice
Pieces of my wounded heart began to heal
I was finally able to see clearly again
I learned that I am not my past decisions
Yes, they are a part of me
But they do not define me
I am much more than the choice I made
I am worthy of love
I am capable of love
I do not need to be afraid

I shared the truth of my story
The messy parts
The ones we tend to not want others to see
In doing so I healed my soul
Forgave myself for my mistakes
Showed compassion for the situation
And now I can breathe a little bit easier
The weight I was carrying around has been let got

If you would like to read my story you can find it here over on my dear friend Kolleen's blog ~ Heartwing Sisters.  I am so grateful for her giving me the space to share my story.  "I'm Better For It" is a beautiful collaboration of real stories from the heart where people share what is they are better for going through.

sit next to me

Come sit next to me
Tell me what it is that is deep in your heart
Whisper to me those words you have been to scared say
I will listen to whatever it is you have to say

Giggle with me
And let the sun shine down on us
Come sit next to me
Share your dreams with me
Together lets explore them

I want to hear what you have to say
I want to see the look in your eyes while you speak
I want to be there for you
So come, sit next to me

live wide open

    french town, nj

Live wide open
These words sounding in her ears
Playing on repeat to ensure it is etched into her soul
A thought she cannot seem to shake


Live wide open
She is not exactly sure what it means
How to do it or if it is even possible
But she knows she must try to figure it out


Live wide open
Granting all emotions and experiences to come
Leaning into them
Finding them and feeling them


Live wide open
Her heart knows this is the only way
Her mind knows that it will be tough
But she knows that must live wide open

a feeling

I feel that there is something bigger inside me. Something that I cannot seem to place my finger on. A feeling of having a grander purpose. A bigger meaning. Finding a way to make a difference. Yet here I am sitting still. Going no where fast.

I can feel the stirring inside me. The pull that tells me where I am and what I am doing is only for this moment. There is something else out there for me. There is something my heart yearns for. A different road to travel down.

But what is this thing? What something is it that I am being pulled blindly towards? I feel like I am in a dark room. Trying to find my way to the door yet unsure if a door even exist.

This pulling. This stirring. This feeling. This knowing of something more. All of it is there. But what is the something?

forgive

The words are there

Deep in our heart

Sometimes we bury them

Afraid of letting others see what is really there

We are ashamed even though it was our own actions

We must give voice to what lies below

Let is be seen and heard

Not be fearful of others judgments

We must let it go

Learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes

feeling alive

mindy and I at squam by the sea

A year had past from when I first met Mindy on the Oregon Coast at the Be Present Retreat. At that time I had no idea of the incredible influence we would both have on one another. Thanks to squam arts workshops, Mindy and I had the opportunity to connect again in person near the ocean but this time on the opposite coast.

It was our last night by the sea. We were in the living room of the main house. Mindy sat with her elbows on her knees on the wooden coffee table directly across from me. I sat in the same position on the couch. We leaned into one another as we both opened up our hearts. I wanted to soak in Mindy as much as I could before we had to say our goodbyes.

Mindy's voice was filled with joy and enthusiasm as she talked about her painting and how I have inspired and opened her up. She shared with me some of her dreams as her eyes were sparkling and an enormous smile was beaming from her face. I sat there listening to her speak soaking in that beautiful accent of hers.

We spoke of writing and painting and reflected back to each other the beauty that we each radiate but sometimes struggle to see. Mindy cracked open my heart and soul. She gently lead me to see, feel, and know that my words have the ability to have an effect on others. They can inspire, heal, and even help someone.

As Mindy and I shared our stories my heart filled up with love and gratitude. The world works in magical ways. A girl from New Jersey and a girl from Arkansas crossed paths in Oregon. But that was just the beginning of their story.

I am so honored to watch Mindy spread her wings and fly. She is soaring and it is beautiful. I am also so grateful for that moment in time when I got to sat across from Mindy and felt truly alive. I look forward to all that has yet to be.

~~~

Mindy is a mixed media artist living in Arkansas. She has a passion and joy for life and a smile that is contagious. You can see read more about Mindy on her blog at Tim's Sally and see all of her beautiful creations in her Etsy Shop.

arriving

It has taken time

In certain moments it felt like an eternity

I was not always standing tall

Brave

Strong

There were occasions when I had fallen to my knees

Tears soaking my cheeks

Feeling like I could not take one more step forward

But I did

I stepped forward

Slowly finding my footing

Learning with each progression ahead

Finding my own way

This does not mean that it is all sunshine and laughter

The constant ebb and flow of life is still there

It keeps me whole

Breathes energy into me

And teaches me to observe

But I do feel an inner peace

A sense of wholeness within

It begins with a smile deep in my soul

Letting me know that I am on the right path

Digging deep

Falling down

Getting back up

Traveling along life's path with my eyes wide open