Tuesday, March 02, 2010

trying to remember


She does not remember affection. Sure, she was loved. But she wishes that she could remember the hugs. The words 'I love you' being said. The smiles on their faces when she accomplished something. She knows the moments happened. But she cannot remember them.

She remembers getting in trouble for the chocolate milk spilled on the walls in the living room. To this day she still cannot figure out how it got there.

She remembers getting getting in trouble and having to go to her room. She sat right against the door and cried.

She remembers sitting in the living room alone watching television when her mom found out that her friend died. The sound her mom made that day is still with her. At times when her mom laughs it sounds just like that moment and she is immediately taken back.

She wonders why it is so easy to remember these things yet her mind has seemed to be wiped clean of hearing the words 'I love you' and getting hugged. She wants to remember these moments. She closes her eyes and tries so hard to remember. But she struggles to find these memories in her mind.

She knows they are there. But she cannot remember.

4 comments:

beth said...

I hope my kids remember the good things and the nice things and being hugged and loved and not the times I lost my temper, and spanked them or sent them for a time out....

and now a big warm hug to you....while my heart cries for all the children with memories that aren't warm and beautiful....

chrissy said...

wow dear jennifer.
that came from a very deep, honest place didn.t it.
you are BRAVE.
you get braver ALL THE TIME.
i love you sweet friend.
i love your sincerity.
if it were there right now i would "hug" you and tell you how much "i love you".
you are a dear, dear, special friend to me.
loves to you.
c

Gloria said...

I love you Jenn..and I am sorry for that..Just know that if this comment bar was alive I would crawl through it hug you and look at you and tell you how amazing you are..How special and strong you are..but most important is this..Jenn, you are beautiful inside and out and you are loved by many..that includes me...

K8 said...

such a beautiful picture with your beautiful post. K8