Wednesday, June 01, 2011

protective heart

I place things into my heart
Nurturing and cultivating with tenderness
Opening up to new possibilities
And experiencing different adventures
I am willing to put myself out there
Submerge my whole heart into it
Take chances
I try not to hold back or to hold on
Giving people and things space to be
Just as they are

But when it comes to speaking about matters of the heart
Face to face
I struggle
My mind goes blank and words just flow out of me
I am not even sure of what I am saying
It feels like an out of body experience
Just like when I speak in front of a large group

When the moment is over and I have a chance to breathe
I wonder why my mind took over like that
Was it trying to protect my heart from being hurt
It seems to go into this defensive mode
Feelings I wanted to express never come out
Things I wanted to share stay tucked away inside my heart

In the aftermath I struggle
Wondering why I can be so open to take the chance in the first place
But then hold back in saying what I really wanted in the moment
It is something I know I need to continue working on
With each experience being conscious of this habit
Slowly peeling back the protective shell
To reveal the tender open heart within


rachel awes said...

hello to your
tender heart.
hello, with love,
from my own,
tend to her...
with great
& tall trees.

Lisa G. - Happy Mama said...

Good morning to you, sweet-hearted friend. I love your words of truth and your sweet, gentle spirit.

Sending love and hugs to you.

mindy lacefield said...

i love your heartfelt words. they continue to nurture my journey. i love you!

Kolleen said...

i love you bean.

i love your words.
i love how you put yourself out there every time i come to visit this sweet page of yours.

i am better because you are a part of my life.
know that!


elizabeth said...

It is easier for me to write than talk too. I don't know why, but I suspect it's because there is a sort of distance between me and the receiver and it makes it easier for me to find the words.

Sending love to you and your tender heart.

K8 said...

oh man. speaking in public. public speaking. you and I share the same feelings. it's tough.