Darkness

Self portrait session to let the light in

I have been quiet here for awhile

Hiding deeply within myself

Not coming out much to play

Darkness was swirling inside me

My inner demons were fighting

I was struggling to float to the top

I am still swimming my way up

Reaching for the clouds

Pointing my head towards the sun

But I am now wearing a smile

Replacing those tears that were falling

With the sound of my own laughter

This dark place is not an easy one to be in

Especially when you are not sure why you are there

Or how you even got there

It is a battle between yourself

And most of the time the darkness is winning

Fighting strongly against the light

I must continue to remind myself

This to will pass

And I will come out on top

I can fight this

I can win

I will feel whole again

Flight

Why is it so hard sometimes

To spread your wings and fly

Even when we know that is the only thing that will save us

Why do we struggle?

Why do we fight it?

Why do we shy away from it?

The wonderful thing about flying

Is that your friends are always right there beside you

They help you along

And lift you up, right when you need it most

But when we are in the dark

Frightened

We forget this

Why?

Take flight

Spread your wings

Feel the air beneath you

And soar!

In this moment

To be honest with ourselves is hard work and it requires us to be brave. We will not always like what we see. But we cannot accept it, let it go, and move on unless we recognize what it is. To recognize something may be easy. The hard part comes when we must forgive ourselves, let go, and move on.

Today I must forgive myself for the way I acted. Because of my lack of belief in myself I said things that I did not mean and acted in a way that was not true to my souls genuine way of being. I must begin to believe in myself. Understand and grasp my self worth. I must realize that what did unfold was a great blessing to me because it is an incredible learning experience.

I became rattled and shaken up. Things were stirred up that I did not realize were there. And that is good to see, to recognize, learn from, let go of, and move on. Stronger, braver, wiser.

The universe knows that I am in a stage of vulnerability. It has been pushing people towards me that I need right now. People that know me, see me, and are pushing me to see myself. What a gift that is. I am so extremely lucky in this life.

Shook Up

I have been carefully examining each item on the shelf

Dusting it off, deciding if I really need it

Tossing it if I do not

And placing it delicately if I do

I thought I had everything in order

Arranged so beautifully

But something came along and shook it all up

Things fell to the floor

Shattered into a million pieces

And I am not sure how to clean it up

if you let me

If you let me

I would hold your hand

Listen to your thoughts, fears, and dreams

Cheer you on

Nudge you forward

Be there when you need a shoulder to lean on

If you let me

I would circle you with love

Open up your eyes to reveal to you

The person that I see

Who is strong, tender, brave

Enjoying each moment of this life

If you let me

I would stand besides you

During your darkest hours

And your greatest triumphs

Feeling so proud to know you

And honored that you let me in

Thank You

"Not every conversation will change you. But any conversation can"

I sat across from you

And you saw the inner demons I was fighting

You listened to my struggles, worries, and fears

Never once judging me for the decisions I have made

You spoke honestly with me

As you have always done before

Opening my eyes to the person I have been unable to see

That person is me

You took your time

Making sure that I was listening

Not letting me dispute what you were saying

Allowing me to soak everything in

You knew I was in a tender place

Wrestling with uncertainty

And you lifted me up

Teaching me that I need to believe

Due to the respect I have for you

Your words left a mark on my soul

Carrying me to more solid ground

Where I am able to stand on my own

I struggle to find the words to express

The gratitude I feel

For you being you

And opening my eyes up to me

Thank you does not showcase

How life changing that conversation was for me

But it is all I have

So, thank you, thank you, thank you

changed

LBI, Barnegat Lighthouse

It was a brief moment in time

Not lasting more than a couple of hours

But during that time something in me shifted

I did not realize it was happening

So natural, so easy, so radiant

A new light was shed inside me

Thoughts, ideas, and feelings blossomed

I see things differently now

Viewing myself in a whole new perspective

Feeling the motion of the world more peacefully

Looking back I can see

That it was in those moments that I was truly myself

Breathing in the adventure of life

Standing deeply rooted in who I am

Beauty surrounded me

As I simply existed

Just as I was meant to do

Light

Let the light shine on you

Feel it's warmth

Soak it in

Stand up tall

Listen to what it is whispering to you

Spinning

Spinning around and around

Unsure of landing my feet on the ground

I thought I was brave, ready to take the leap

But here I spin

Am I afraid to stand

Feet firmly planted on the ground

Soaking in my hearts desires?

Am I afraid to speak

Using my voice, my words

Saying out loud what I truly long for?

I thought I was fearless

Flying through the air

Facing all that came my way

But have I been avoiding the truth

Have I been hiding behind my shadow

Only showing an illusion of myself?

Feeling lost and confused

Trying to steady myself on the ground

Looking to see deep inside of me

Tender Place

I am feeling very tender today

In a place rooted in deep reflection

Trying to answer the hard questions

The ones that tug at your heart

And make you look at yourself

With your eyes truly open

Family

Filling up with family love this summer

Nothing is sweeter than that

Laughter

Sunshine

Singing

Dancing

And a whole lot of fun

I am so lucky for the family I am apart of

Piece of summer

LBI, Barnegat Light House

Soaking in all the beauty that summer has to offer