Hiding

I have been hiding from myself lately...

Not sure why. 

But I can't seem to find myself

...

Time...

I simply don't have enough of it.
So many things I want to do, books I want to read, thoughts I want to write down....
but the time seems to disapear.
Not sure where it goes, but suddenly it seems gone.

I need time for myself.
To be nurtured, to grow, to blossom.
I need time to put pen to paper
and release all these feelings, thoughts, and ideas I have harboring in my soul.
I need time to let go.
To look around, feel, and experience myself.

It seems to be slipping away from me.
So quickly,
So suddenly,
I feel like I am drowning in a sea of swirling waves.
Here....there....not grounded to one location.
A constant back and forth.
I feel torn between the "want to" "should do" "need to do"
So very torn.

Time, I need to figure out how to experience more of my time.

Happy Birthday....

Your laughter rings through my ears when I think of you Grandpa.  Always a joke you had or us and always a smile when I saw you.  You always seemed so happy to be living life and enjoying whatever it was you were up to.  Hitting golf balls behind borough hall, fixing up old bicycles, and hanging out at the swim club where just some of the things you loved that I remember you doing.  I also remember so clearly spending Christmas at your house and listening to your music coming from the breezeway. I remember the basketball net and birdhouses you built us.  I feel so blessed to have been a part of your life.  To have been given the chance to know you, hear your stores, and listen to so many of your jokes.  You were an amazing many who touched the lives of so may and an absolutely wonderful grandpa to me!  I love you dearly and forever you will be in my heart with that brilliant smile on your face and that twinkle in your eye.  I miss you grandpa, happy birthday!  

My Feet...

My feet take me where I need to go and once I get in my car my feet take me even further.  They push the car faster, slow me down, and take me places I have dreamt of.  It is amazing the places my little feet have pushed me to inside my car.  

I feel....

I feel the need to transform.  I feel like I am in a time of change, a moment of growth, but I feel frustrated, hurt, and angry because I am not sure what I am looking for.  I am not sure what I am missing.  I am not sure what I need to feel strong, brave, and secure.  I feel like my feet are glued to the ground but I need to fly, soar, find out who I really am.

It is a miserable feeling.  This feeling of not really knowing who I am.  I feel like I don't know who I am, or how to even figure that out.  I feel like my dreams have become hazy.  I dislike parts of myself.  I am insecure.  Oh, it is a miserable feeling.

I feel like inside of me is this stick.  Going right down the center of my body.  It is propping me up in a way.  Forcing me to stand tall, to act brave, to pretend I know who I am.  I feel like I need this stick to crack right in half so that I can explore, be free, set my wings out to fly, to find myself.  Yet I have no idea how to crack this stick.  

Sick Day!

No photos today.  I was sick in bed sleeping away.  Dreaming of feeling better!

Photo Exploration Day Seven

Photo Exploration Day Six

(from Sunday)

Timmy in action at the Snow bowl in Giants Stadium.  Very cool for him to play on the field, and for me to venture up to the press box.  :)  

Alex, absolutely thrilled to be on the field.  What an amazing feeling.   I wish I could feel what he did that day.  

It was nice weather here in Northern New Jersey on Sunday.  The perfect day to go to Giant Stadium.  Timmy was playing in a special Snow Bowl which raised money for The Special Olympics.  It gave me a chance to play with my camera.  To venture into action shots.  I took many shots that day.  Not many came out great, but it was fun to play.  To adjust my camera and see what I could produce.  It was a wonderful day spent with wonderful people.  

**I need some photo expertise.  Can someone please help me to get the photos to not look so grainy.  Any help would do as I really am not sure what I am doing with  my camera :)  Thank you so much!**

Photo Exploration Day Five

                    (From Saturday)

Stopping for a moment on my drive to take in the sunset.  What a magical experience.  We should all take  a moment to stop and look at the beauty that surrounds us.

When I was driving Cross Country I saw the most beautiful skies, wonderful sunsets, and amazing clouds.  I didn't understand why the sky was so beautiful across the country and why it wasn't like that where I lived.  We all live under the same sky, don't we?

The one day it hit me.  We do all live under the same sky.  The only difference is houses, power lines, and tall buildings get in the way of the sky here.  I am also so busy doing and going that I don't take the time to actually sit and take it all in.  

It is nice to take it all in.  To experience the beauty around you.  Soak it up.  Pause, even for just a moment and see how what beauty you can seek out in the every day.