what is this?

"I like this" you say.  I am completely unsure what 'this' is, but never bother to ask for clarification. 'This' encounter over coffee.  Sitting, chatting, but never really getting to the heart.  Staying gently on the surface, with me revealing more about myself then you ever will.  Is 'this' what you like?  I chalk it up to you just wanting us to be friends.  It seems so long ago that we held one another in a deep embrace.  Our lips touching and the walls of our hearts coming down.

You keep repeating the words "I like this" and my mind has still yet to understand what 'this' is.  'This' ... what is this?  Two strangers getting together for brief moments in time. Awkwardly sharing stories.  Occasionally sending little messages of hello.  There were moments before this one.  When we were both completely open.  You showed me glimpses into your heart and made space for me to be in your arms.  We equally shared our stories gently pulling one another in.

After the music died down you slowly stepped away bringing space between us.  And now here we stand.  I try to put together the pieces of the puzzle, but nothing seems to fit.  And the only words I have to work with are "I like this"

taking a new way home

When you do the same things all the time
You get the same outcome
When you mingle with the same group of people
Take the same way home
Park in the same spot
Live inside the little box of comfort that surrounds you
Well, life will be same

And that may not be a bad thing
It is predictable and safe
But it does not open up the door for new opportunities
New chance encounters
New adventures or sites to be seen
It simply is what it is

And some days that is exactly what we need
We need to get what we expect
We need to know what is coming around the bend next
We do not want to be surprised or come onto a little hiccup
That spins us out of control

But there are other days when we crave adventure
We long for deep conversation with strangers
Want to get lost and have to figure out a new way home
These are the days when we want to live on the edge
Take the risk
Be wide open to whatever may come our way

I tend to lean more towards the days where we do not know what is coming next
So I take a different way home
Park in a new spot
Spark up a conversation with a stranger
And really listen to what the world is saying
It is these days where the unexpected brings complete joy
New friendships are sparked
And beautiful memories are created

one small shift

Sometimes it is just one small thing that you shift
That opens things up
One small little detail that you adjust
Because it never felt completely right before
But you kept going with it
Because you could not place your finger on what it was
And then you make one small move
And you can instantly feel it
It is as if the universe shouted "yes, that is it"
And deep in your heart and soul you open up
Feeling new again
Alive
Ready to just be in this world

my voice

The time is now
To use that voice inside of me
To speak up
Be heard
Say it loudly and clearly
It is time
To express to the world what I have to say
Push myself beyond pen and paper
And use my voice

Shining

I only know small pieces of you
For a brief moment in time
You opened the door
and showed me a glimpse of your heart
The moment was fleeting
But I am so grateful for having had the opportunity

You have opened me up
In so many incredible ways
And I know
That the world is a better place
Because you are in it

Do not forget
That you must keep on dreaming
And holding on to your passions
What speaks to you is important to this world
Because when you go out and pursue it
You leave a mark on all of us
And we are forever changed

Know that you are enough
Just as you are
Even through the struggles
You will make it through
Wiser, lighter, stronger
And you will find that inner peace
You are searching for

You are a light in this world
That shines at its brightest
When you are doing what speaks to you
Even from a distance I can feel you shining

Paris anyone?

In my mind I travel to far away places all the time

I can easily transport myself

To a place I have never been

A destination I long to see

Deep into an experience I wish to have

My mind has a way of wandering off

Day dreaming, my third grade teacher would say

And my vivid imagination makes it easy for me to feel like I am there

I love getting lost inside these moments

But it is even better to jump on a plane

And arrive in an new place

Be greeted by unfamiliar faces

And explore all the new things my eyes are seeing

So when I have the chance to enter a contents

For a free trip to Paris

Well, you can be sure I entered

And you should enter to

Because when you travel anyone

You return changed

In a good way

And that is a beautiful thing

you better be ready

If you ask the universe to teach you about one word
Over the course of the entire year
And for that word to be your focus for that time
Well
You better be ready

Because when you ask the universe to do something
It goes ahead and does it
And it may not be in the way you were expecting
In fact, it most likely will not be in the way you wanted

The universe will open your eyes
Dig deep into your soul
And tug at your heart strings
It will challenge you
Force you to look in the mirror
And really, truly see yourself

The universe will not give you any breaks
Or take you down any short cuts
It will come at you quickly
Throwing you some curve balls along the way
Pushing you to the edge
Then pulling you back up

And when you want to throw your hands up in the air
Trying to surrender
The universe won't let you
"This is what you asked for"
The universe will say
And she will stand beside you
Because the universe never gives up on you

Through all of it
The universe is right there by your side
Holding your hand
And guiding you through the difficult times
Even though you may not be able to see that

And when you want to kick the universe to the curb
She will remind you again
"This was your request"
And she will push and push
Until it finally clicks in your head

And we all know
How long somethings can take to click in your head
So you better be prepared
Because the universe is in full swing
To move you forward

finding my way home

Feeling very out of touch lately

With myself

And the world around me

Running from one thing to the next

Spending more hours that usual working

Not giving myself time to rest, process, breathe

My body brought on the warning signs strong this weekend

Forcing me into bed when I had other plans in mind

Sucking me of my energy

Bringing on strong waves of pain

Why does it take all of that to slow me down?

Why do I run so quickly?

Push myself so far?

I am not a superhero

I cannot do it all

Even if I want to

I am just one person

I can only do as much as I can do

There are times when I need time to just be

To stop for a minute and breathe in life

So now I need to find my way back to myself

Turn on the inner search light

And seek out the girl who has been running

I need to clear my calendar and schedule in some time alone

I have not picked up my pen in awhile

My heart and soul are yearning for me to write

There are so many words and feelings that want to come out

So many lessons I have been learning

That need to be expressed

So the search is on

To find my way home

believe


















You have to believe in yourself
Believe that everything you dream of
Everything that calls to your heart
Even the silent whispers that your souls speaks
You have to believe that you are deserving of all of them

You have to stop beating yourself up
Stop thinking you will never make it
Stop letting those inner demons speak louder than your tenderness

You are traveling down your life path
You are on your very own journey
All of your hopes, dreams, and inner desires
They all have the potential to unfold right before you

But first
You have to believe
Believe in how wonderful you really are
Believe that the world would be a much different place
If you weren't here carving your own path

You have to believe in your worth
Because you are so worthy
Of love, light, laughter, adventure
You are worthy of it all

Today is the day
To take that one small step
That will open up a world of opportunity for you

Simply because you belived in yourself

Mindy

There are some people that come into your life
And upon meeting them you are never, ever the same
Mindy is one of those individuals for me

When I traveled to the Oregon Coast in 2009 I had no idea that the course of my life was going to be altered forever.  The way I viewed myself would be shattered.  And slowly over time I would be able to pick up the pieces, examine them, and for the first time see clearly who I really was.  The lack of confidence that I traveled with to Oregon would be tossed into the ocean and swept out to sea.  Boarding the plane back to NJ I was taking with me tools that I needed to forge ahead on my journey.

The journey of finding yourself is not an easy one to undertake or figure out.  There is no right or wrong way to do it.  It is just about showing up and living each day.  I struggled through some dark nights as tears poured from my eyes.  My inner demons shouting that I was not good enough, did not deserve happiness, and had nothing to offer this world.  There were moments that were incredibly tough.

But the beautiful part about life is that you do not have to ever travel alone.  As human beings we need each other and feed off of one another.  It is tough to show up and say: "I do not have the answers" ~ "I am hurting inside and am unsure why" ~ "I do not know what to do"  It is really difficult to shed our tough exterior and show the world our vulnerable pieces.  To admit our past mistakes and let them go.  Understanding that our past does not define our future.

When we do this.  When we we forgive ourselves, show up and just be who we are, exactly as we are ~ we are enough.  Magical things happen.  You meet people you never thought you would meet.  Experience a whole world of things you dreamed about.  And you get submerged into the life you are meant to be living.

Mindy opened me up.  Encouraged me along with each shaky step that I took.  She never let me believe those demons that tried to force their own opinion on me.  She gently shed light on the gift that I have inside of me and encourages me to share it with the world. If my path had never crossed Mindy's I am unsure of where I would be standing today.

It is amazing what individuals can do for each other.  There are times we do not even realize we are touching another's life, but we are.  And it happens because we allow ourselves to be seen and we show up in the world.

I am so incredibly grateful to know Mindy.  To stand here and watch her spread her wings and fly.  She breathes so much goodness into the world and inspires so many individuals.  She is one of the kindness, most gentle, and caring individuals that I know ~ with an incredible accent.  Her paintings are stunning and her heat filled with love and compassion.  I honor her courage to keep stepping forward on her journey.

I hope you have a minute to stop by and view her space at Timsally.  I just know you will adore her just as much as I do.  I have to warn you though, one minute of listening to her speak and you will want her to continue talking all night.

This is what a keeps me moving forward in life.  Incredible connections that transpire between individuals. Opening people up.  Feeling comfortable to shed the hard exterior and appreciate the "neat" things in life.

protective heart

I place things into my heart
Nurturing and cultivating with tenderness
Opening up to new possibilities
And experiencing different adventures
I am willing to put myself out there
Submerge my whole heart into it
Take chances
I try not to hold back or to hold on
Giving people and things space to be
Just as they are

But when it comes to speaking about matters of the heart
Face to face
I struggle
My mind goes blank and words just flow out of me
I am not even sure of what I am saying
It feels like an out of body experience
Just like when I speak in front of a large group

When the moment is over and I have a chance to breathe
I wonder why my mind took over like that
Was it trying to protect my heart from being hurt
It seems to go into this defensive mode
Feelings I wanted to express never come out
Things I wanted to share stay tucked away inside my heart

In the aftermath I struggle
Wondering why I can be so open to take the chance in the first place
But then hold back in saying what I really wanted in the moment
It is something I know I need to continue working on
With each experience being conscious of this habit
Slowly peeling back the protective shell
To reveal the tender open heart within