Celebrate you

We are each on a journey

Traveling deeply into it

Struggling at times

Laughing at other times

But always, always growing

Time passes by quickly

Before we know it a year is gone

And we have traveled through so much

Just look back a year from today

Now look back a little bit father, and a little bit father

Go ahead read the very first blog entry you wrote

I'll wait. . .

How about you read the one you wrote this time last year,

or two years ago

My how you have grown

Celebrate that

Celebrate the things that brought you down

And the moments that lifted you up

Celebrate each of them

For it is these moments that make up you

And you are who you are is uniquely beautiful

Celebrate that,

Absolutely celebrate Y*O*U!

Believe

If there is one thing to believe in

In this ever changing world

The one thing to believe in

Is yourself

Always believe in yourself

Before all things

Bet on yourself to win

To come out on top

You can always do it

You always have

And you always will

Believe in yourself

ramblings from a park bench

I am sitting in the middle of this city

So much is going on around me

People passing by

Each on their own journey

I hear snippets of peoples lives

Snapshots of their most intimate details

Entering my ears as they rush by

Feelings of amazement wash over me as I sit here

I am trying to do my best to soak it all in

To really look at how different everyone is

Yet understand that internally we are all the same

A beating heart

Blood pumping

Thoughts

Ideas

Feelings

All of these unseen things connect us

They make us more similar than different

We are more than the clothes we wear

We are more than the job title we have

We are more than the music we listen to

I fantazie about where each of them is going

What is it they are up to

I wonder what their life is like

It is so easy to get soaked into our selfish existence

Forgetting that their are others out there

People we have yet to meet

They are living life

Going through all sorts of things

Struggling, standing, falling,

And picking themselves back up again

I can see more clearly now

I am not the only one that feels pain and happiness

I am not the only one who stumbles time and time again

I am not the only one learning how to gain my footing in this world

There are people out their with broken hearts

They feel lonely, inadequate, and unloved

Their are others out there living life

Soaking in the beauty of the every day

In fact there is a whole world of people

Each of their lives is different than my own

They know different people

Do different things

Have different experiences

Yet they all have one thing in common

They all feel something

Each person experiencing pain, happiness

Laughter and tears

It may not look the same to you are I

But the feeling is the same

Taking the time to sit and watch others

I am able to soak all of this in

Their is much to be seen

Much to be heard

The lives of others are unravelling before us

I let go

I sat by the river

Collecting my thoughts

Pulling out all the things that were lurking deep inside

I sat there alone for a long time

Listening to the sound of the water rush by

The voices of nature eased the words from my soul

For to long I have been gripping these things tightly

Things that no longer served me

Things that were not mine to own in the first place

I knew it was time to bid them farewell

But I also wanted to honor and thank them

They were each their for me in the moments I needed them

So I let my pen do the talking

Naming each of them and giving them praise

Showing my gratitude for what I learned during our encounter

Then with love I said my goodbyes

Letting them know that they were off on another journey

Destine to find someone else that needed them

I did what I had to do

To heal this piece of me

I let go

beauty

Stop

Look around you

You will see that there is beauty to be found

Even in the most unexpected places

Breathe in these beautiful moments

Savor the sweetness of the surprise

Every where you turn

There is something to be uncovered

And you never know

It might turn out to be magic

Pressing on

I stand here in the thick of it

Wondering how it got to be this way

Is it written on my forehead

And I cannot see it?

Is it a part of me, always will be

And I need to accept it?

How did it get to this point?

Who was the one directing the traffic?

I do not like standing here, right here

I am not meant to be in this place

I need to keep moving

Traveling to the places that free me

I am the one directing the traffic from now on

I will not accept what currently is

I will keep pressing on

Until I arrive at home

Summer Memories: Beach Volleyball

This summer I got to spend some Saturdays waking up bright and early, traveling down to the shore with Brian, and spending the entire day on the beach watching him play beach volleyball. I love that he invited me to go down with him. It was such a nice experience. Driving down together. Chatting in the car. Discovering new music. Watching him play. Learning more about him. And soaking in some sunshine and a couple of naps on the beach. Life is incredible.

I am so honored to call Brian my brother. So proud of the life he has created. Brian finds the joy and fun in the everyday things that encompass his life. He is always willing to play, laugh, and have a good time no matter what it is he is doing. He is his own person. So strong, caring, and loving. He lives life enjoying what he loves doing and is passionate about so many things.

I know that if I ever needed anything Brian would be one of the first people there for me. Over the past couple of years we have gotten closer and it has been such a wonderful blessing in my life. I am also lucky that I work close to where he works. It gives us the chance to get together for lunch. There is no better way to break up a day at work than sharing lunch with your older brother.

Not only is Brian an incredible brother to me but he is also a loving husband and an amazing father. I look up to the relationship that he has with Laurie and hope to one day have that for myself. They are so kind to each other and that is so extremely important. I just adore watching him interact with Hannah. It makes my heart swell with pride. I knew that he would be a good father, but to watch it unfold in front of me is incredible.

Having the opportunity to spend time with Brian this summer was one of my favorite memories. I am so incredibly lucky to have such an amazing older brother to look up to.

Summer Memories: Jack Johnson Concert

I love spending time with my family. Whenever we are together I laugh hysterical. So hard in fact that tears fall from my eyes. Every time I am with them I am happy and overcome with love.

This summer we boarded the train and headed into NYC to see Jack Johnson play at MSG. The entire evening was wonderful. Laughter filled the train. Brian and I practiced for the mud run on the train station stairs. And hearing Jack Johnson play was magical. I love that we all enjoy his music and take the time to go out and see him.

During the last song I stood there amongst my family, Better Together was being played, and I closed my eyes attempting to capture the beauty of the moment in my mind forever. As a family we are Better Together. I am so blessed to have each of them in my life.

Summer Memories: Macys Fireworks

I had nothing planned to celebrate July 4th. I was just going to let the day unfold and see where it took me. Christian and I spent the morning riding around town on our bicycles. It was a hot one. Which is perfect weather for me but definitely not perfect weather for everyone. I had a blast on my bicycle and was so proud of far Christian rode especially in the heated conditions we were under.

On the spur of the moment we decided to head in to see the Macys Fireworks. Off we went. Backpack packed with snacks, drinks, and uno. We got front row spots right on the water on the NJ side. We spent all day playing games, talking, laughing, soaking in the sunshine and each others company. When nightfall came we both watched in amazement as the fireworks filled the sky with the NYC skyline as its backdrop. It was a spectacular show.

I was so happy to be right there in that moment and sharing it with Christian. After the fireworks ended we let the crowd disperse as we sat and talked. Once tiredness crept upon us we headed back home smiling from ear to ear. It was an incredible day.

What a wonderful summer memory to be engrained upon my heart.

Summertime Memories

The summer has come to a close. Not with a bang, but rather with a quiet solitude. Which somehow seems to be exactly as it should.

This was a good summer for me. Filled with lots of family time. Laughter. Fun. Swimming in the ocean. Swimming in the pool. Sand between my toes. Fireworks. Watching volleyball. Lots and lots of sunshine. Riding my bicycle. And going on fun adventures. Just to name a few. I created many amazing memories and have such wonderful things to look back on and smile about.

Thank you dear universe for giving me this precious gift this summer. Thank you for cracking me open. Making me see myself. Learn a lot about who I am. Thank you for opening me up to fully experience unconditional love. A type of love that can only come from family. Family love is like no other. It is always there, especially Belthoff Family type of Love. We can overcome anything together. That is a true blessing that cannot be overlooked.

As summer comes to a close I would like to take the time to look back on some of my favorite summertime memories. So that is what I am going to do this week. I hope you will join me and share some of your favorite memories that you created this summer as I share some of mine with you.

Letting go

I show up here

With pen in hand

Ready to let go

Let go of feeling like it is my fault

Let go of thinking I have any control

Let go of the anger about how it all unfolded

Let go of the the way things are now

Let go of the whole ordeal

You are not the person I knew

I thought I was going to be the one to struggle

With the end of us and the beginning of something new

But it is not me who is struggling

I am stronger than I thought

I am secure in who I am

I am standing on solid ground

And I never even realized it until now

Yes this does have something to do with me

But only with a title I was given for a brief moment in time

It is nothing personal

I have memories of who you were

Today I only recognize that person for brief moments in time

Every other moment you are a stranger

So I am letting go

I was and always will be respectful

I handled those moments in time

With grace and dignity

It is not about me

It never has been

And it never will be

I just let go

sleep

Dear Nighttime,

Can you please be so kind and let me sleep. My body and mind need the rest. I would like to sleep through the night without waking up. I cannot keep running around like this during the day without some rest at night.

Please dear nighttime help me out. I would love to dream sweet dreams and wake up feeling rested and refreshed.

Thank you nighttime for taking this into consideration.

Love,

Jennifer

Ready

My days have been hectic

My mind running in every direction

Coming to dead ends

Not sure where to turn

Spinning in circles

Feeling hopeless, lost and sad

Emotions swirled around inside of me

I could not seem to calm them

Or hold them long enough to examine them

The other night

As I curled under my covers

Just about to lie down

I felt something

It was a blue glow

Right there in front of me

It felt so real I could see it with my eyes

A feeling of comfort washed over me

A smile came to my face

I felt calm and at peace

The light whispered to me

"You are ready now, you are ready now"

I am not exactly sure what it was

Or maybe I was dreaming

But since that night I feel calm

Relaxed into myself

An inner peace is holding me gently

Each time I close my eyes

The light is there

Reminding me that

I am ready