The telephone

I am not a fan of the telephone
You will never catch me having long phone conversations,
and if you do it is against my will.
When the phone rings I seldom answer it
I also seldom look to even see who is calling.
If it is important they will leave a message,
and then I have the choice to call back--If I want.

I do not have a phone in my apartment.
No need for two telephones if I do not even answer the one I do have.
Remeber the days though when you did not know who was calling.
You picked up the phone and it was a surprise as to who was at the other end.
That made aswering the phone fun,
you never knew what you were going to get.

Now the days of caller id has changed that.
You always know who is on the other end.
It has become real easy to avoid people.

I would much rather meet in person,
talk face to face.
The phone is so impersonal.
I try to make my phone conversations as short as possible.
Often avoiding talking about everything, and giving the shortest possible answer.

Granted my cell phone has come in handy, many times
But I coudl have figured it out without the security of the phone.
I possibly would have had an adventure if things weren't so simple.
And there is nothing wrong with a good adventure.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Possibility

The ability to choose
the ability to dream
the ability to laugh and smile
and do what makes me happy

The choice is there
Infinite possibility

A beautiful day makes me happy
A sunset makes me smile
I can see my laugh lines when I look in the mirror
My eyes reflecting my every emotion

The world is in the palm of my hands
Weighted only by the weight of my own heart
At times it feels extremly heavy,
other times it is as light as air

The feeling of the sand under my feet
The smell of salt in the air by the ocean
The sound of the waves crashing up on the shore
The simplicity of it all

The choice is there
Infinite possibility

To dream big dreams
To live the happiness
To feel fulfilled
To be who I am, all of me!

Imagine

Can you imagine the changes ahead
The difference in how things will be
Are you ready for this
For this enormous change
Where are you going to go
Will you be happy there
Is that what you really want

What if you make the wrong decision
What if you regret what you have done

What if you made the right decision
What if you are happier than you imagined

The decision is in your hands
Don't fret to much

Untitled

Holding on tighlty
Trying to force my grip to let go
Wanting to scream,
cry,
laugh.
Holding on
Letting go
Not sure which to do
Being pulled in both directions
Looking for the answer

Screaming
Crying
Laughing

The paing has not be subsided

Random scribblings for a random friday

You knows those online surveys they send around. Usually I never answer them...today is the exception.




*While driving down the road, and looking for an address, do you turn the radio down?
Yes, because the music hides the numbers.

*Pretend you are a really good cook, what meal would you make?
Whatever I was in the mood for because I could cook anything. Currently that would be pizza!

*What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet?
There is not much to choose from, but I would have to go with my brown flip flops

*Why?
Because I love wearing sandles

*If you could quit your job right now, and be anything you wanted, what would it be?
A school teacher

*What do you think of when you look at the stars?
How big the sky is and how amazing it is that no matter where you are in the world that is one thing that will always be there. They sky will always be above you.

*When you add someone into your cell phone, do you use there real name, or there nickname?
I use whichever name will help me to remember who they are.

*If you use there real name, do you add there last name?
Only if that is what I call them inside my head.

*If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be?
What are you thinking??

*Would you ever get a personalized license plate?
Only if I could think of something clever enough to put on it. In other parts of the country personalized license plates are are a big thing, right sara.

*If yes, would would it say?
I have not thought of anything clever enough yet

*Before you go to sleep at night, what do you think of?
What I need to do the next day and what is going on in my life

*How many times do you change clothes in one day?
Probally three times

*If you were just getting home from drinking at 2 am and you were hungry, would you eat? If yes, what?
If I could find something to eat. There is usually not much food in my cuboards

*What is favorite thing to do on a night out with friends?
Just hang out and talk

*Lets say you can't find 2 socks that match will you wear 2 different ones?
Absolulty.

*Do you like to get flowers?
I love to get flowers. In highschool three years in a row someone sent me flowers on my birthday from a secret admirer. To this day I have no idea who sent them. I would love to know.

*So you are driving and a squirrel runs in front of your car, do you swerve?
Yes

*Women - Have you or would you take your husband's last name?
I would, but I will still miss Belthoff

*Do you prefer older or younger partners? Or do you not care about age?
I tend to go for older, but that is not always the case

*Favorite salad dressing?
I am not a big salad fan

*You get to change one thing about yourself, what is it?
My voice. It wish I sounded more confidant

*What band can you say you like every song they make?
Jack Johnson. I love him!

*What was the last song you had stuck in your head?
Upside down by Jack Johnson

*Are you allergic to anything?
Not that I know of

*Would you rather get a letter in the mail, or an email?
A real letter in the mail. It is nice to have more than just bills.

*Suppose someone comes up to you on the street claiming to know you from way back; but you don’t remember them. Do you go along with them or ask them who they are?
Oh this has happened. And I just go along with it. But then I wonder if they knew that I really had no idea who they were.

*Have you ever had to be taken to the Hospital?
All the time as a kid. For some reason I was very clumsy.

--------------------------

- 4th grade teacher's name:
Mrs. Conti. And that was the year I got a perm in my hair. Oh how funny!!

- Last song you sang:
Upside down by Jack Johnson. I am still singing it now in my head

- Last person you hugged:
Christian

- Last thing you laughed at:
Chester. The conversation went like this:

Chester: I am terrible with names, what is your name again
Me: Jennifer
Chester: Stephanie
Me: Jennifer
Chester: Stephanie
Me: Jennifer
Chester Stephanie

I was histerical. And I wanted to say to him: "I am sorry I am terrible with names to is your name Chester, then he would say John, and I would say Chester." It would have been classic.

- What color socks are you wearing:
I am not wearing any. I love flip flops, remember

- What's under your bed:
Shoes

- What time did you wake up today:
11:30, what a lazy bum am I.

- Current Taste:
What ever clothes I have in my closet. Although slowly but surely I am trying to find a sophisticated style. Something to take me int o my teaching carear

- Current hair:
The longest I have ever had it my whole life.

- Current annoyance:
I want to have better posture. Yet I tend to go back to not standing up straight.

- Current longing:
For my apartment to be clean with the snap of my fingers, and for it to be warm out again. I hate the cold!!!

- Current desktop background:
A picture of Christian

- If you could be any instrument what would you be:
The piano, because I really want to learn how to play it.

- Favorite color(s):
I love the color blue, and I tend to wear brown all the time. My nickname seems to be "brown lady"

- How tall are you:
Five six I think.

- Current favorite word/saying:
"darlin" with an accent. Yet I only let myself say it in my head.

- Favorite Show:
The Ellen Show. Who doesn't like to dance and laugh??

- favorite season:
Summer!!!

- What is your career going to be like:
Fun. I am goign to be a teacher, surrounded by little kids who look up to me. I will get to color, and paint, laugh, and play.

- How many kids do you want :
I used to want ten but I would love to have three or four.



*HAVE YOU EVER...*

- Said "I love you":
Yes.

- Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc?:
No, I don't have any pets

- Have you ever been to New York:
Yes indeed.

- Been to Florida:
Oh the Florida Keys, how fun!!

- Been to California:
I drove to there from New Jersey. And met so many funny people and have so many wonderful memories.

- Been to Canada:
Orientation for Ramapo College. Not sure why we went there to be oriented to Ramapo. But going away with a bunch of people I never met before in my life was a great expereince. Although it was freezing there.

- Been to mexico:
Not yet, but I definitly plan to get there.

- Been to Europe:
Nope

- Been to Australia:
Nope

- Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?:
My dreams sometimes feel so real that I feel like I am dreaming about something that happened already, but I don't really remember it happeneing. Then I wasn't sure if it actually did happen or if it was just a dream. Got it?

- What book are you reading now?:
I tend to read a couple of books at the same time. Currently I am reading:
Eat, Love, Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert. (I highly recommend it.)
Three Weeks with my Brother by Nicholas Sparks
Romeo and Juliet for class
and
The Jeruselum Bible for class

- Where is it?:
The first two on the side of my bed, and the other two on my desk or in my bag

- What is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning:
Go to the bano

- How many rings before you answer:
My cell phone depends upon where it is but usually the machine takes the call
At work I love answering the phone
At my parents house never. No one even moves when the phone rings

- Future daughter's names:
No idea. All the names I used to like have been ruined by meeting people with these names

- Future son's names:
Same problem as with the girls names

- What do you wear to sleep in:
My pj's

- Where are you:
At the computer at my desk

- Where do you wish you were?:
Anywhere warm

- Piercings:
My ears

- What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use:
I switch it up all the time. Currently I think it is Pantenee

- Who is the last person that called you:
Kathleen left a wonderful message how I am going to get arthritis

- Where do you want to get married:
On la playa

- If you could change anything about your life what would it be?:
That I was better with money

- Been In Love:
Yes.

- Are you timely or always late:
Usually exactly on time or a few minutes late

- Do you have a job:
Indeed I do

- Do you like being around people:
Usually, but I also cherish my alone time

- Best feeling in the world:
Watching the sunset

- Are you a health freak:
If you concider chocolate a health food them I am the healthiest person around

- Do you have a "Type" of person u always go for?:
Guys

- Are you lonely right now:
Nope

- Do you want kids:
I think so



THE LAST WEEK, HAVE YOU...

- Cried :
Not that I can remember

- Bought something:
Some paper to use for my traveling journal

- Gotten Sick:
Nope

- Sang:
Absolutly. I sing every day. And when it is not out loud ususally a song is singing my head

- Said I Love You:
Yes

- Talked to someone:
Indeed

- Had a serious talk:
Yes

- Missed Someone:
Yes

- Hugged Someone:
Yes indeed

- Kissed Someone:
Indeed

Being remembered

I was recognized today
By two people from long ago
I used to play kick ball with them,
paint,
draw smiley faces,
and enjoy the summer.
They made me smile.

And today they made me smile a great big smile,
when the recognized me.
That was always a question I had,
if
the children I worked with would remember me?
These two boys did:) !!

What a great joy to know that someone remembers you!

Fairytale

Once upon a time in a land far far away there was a girl.
She was strong and she was brave.
She faced the world head on and always went for what she wanted.
She was never afraid to say no, and never afraid to ask for what her heart desired.

This girl was happy.

She was true to herself.
She created magical things.
She read wonderful books and,
She took amazing pictures with her camera.

The girl was happy.

She loved music, and dancing.
She was a great dancer.
She also loved to sing.
Her voice sounded so sweet.

The girl was happy.

She surrounded herself with people she loved
and people who loved her.
They all loved, trusted, and respected one another.
It was a beautiful thing.

The girl was happy.


***This fairytale is not over....to be continued another day***


If only my life could be like this fairytale!!!

Trust

I learned in class today that connecting with another human being is what an individual craves.
The connection is important.
Humans can measure so many things, but it is the immeasurable which keeps our minds going.
It keeps us wanting more and wondering what is next.

An important key to all of this is trust
Trust in who we are
Trust in who we know
Trust in what we want from life
Trust in the world that surrounds us.

What happens though when trust is not there?
What happens when the one you trust does not trust you?
Where does this lead you?
Where are you going?

Gaining someone's trust is not an easy task
yet it is an important one.

Do you trust me?
Will you trust me?
How will our relationship be without trust?
Where can we go from here?

Knowing the past

I am back in school and the first two professors I have had so far asked the same question. They asked us to name our great grandparents. I found it very interesting that both professors asked this and that only a few number of people in the class could answer. I was one of the many who could not. They are our flesh and blood, the reason we are here, and yet they are forgotten. I have some memories of one of my great grandmothers, yet I cannot recall her name. How terribly sad.

Why is it that we do not research our family history more? Why do we not explore further why we are here and who the people are that lead to our creation. Why do we just keep pressing on never looking that far back?

Life is brimming with so many things. So many incomprehensible things. So much information. There is just so much out there. I am not sure as humans we are able to take it all in and make sense of everything. We must pick and choose what we feel is important. Possibly our fear of dying and non existence doesn't want to take us to the past. We want to keep pressing on so that we are taken further ahead instead of further behind.

However maybe the key to who we are lies within those people. Maybe they hold a piece of the puzzle. They are part of the line of how I got here, isn't that important enough. Possible I need to explore these people further, take the time to get to know them, and maybe then I will learn a lot more about me. Not only through them but through the people who will share the stories of them. It may be time to explore my family tree.



They key to the future is hidden in the past.

Fabulous words

I am in search of inspiring, fabulous, wonderful words. I am not looking for quotes but rather single words that spark a chord in your heart. Some on my list so far are:

Dream
Discover
Brilliant
Fabulous
Serendipity
Wonder
Love
Explore
Desire


My brain is stumped. For some reason I cannot come up with the words which I really desire on my list. I need help finding them. What are some of your favorite words? Maybe they are the words I have been looking for. I can feel the words in my heart but am not sure what they are. Please help!!!


I really need to get my traveling journal in motion. My aunt asked me about it today, which makes me excited but also upset that I have not executed the idea yet. The idea is there I just need to execute it as brilliantly as I see it in my head. I want it to come out fabulous, which I know in the end it will. I really need to put together the journal and come up with what I want to contribute. I was thinking of a poem, possible some painting, or a collage. Hopefully inspiration will pour down into my head as heavy as the rain has fallen today.