Feeling

Feeling the crunch of life, 

anyone else?

This Place

I feel like I haven't been here in so long

This place, it feels different

It doesn't feel like mine

If these walls could talk they would ask me where I have been.

I have been gone from here, but...

I have been out making connections

Embracing the love from others

Creating new memories with family

I have been soaring high

Feeling brave

Sharing the love that resides in my heart

Opening up, spreading my wings

I have put myself out there

I have gained so much

Connected

Observed

Healed

but, I long to create

I long to be right here in my magical cottage

Diving into what resides in my heart

Splattering paint all over my hands

Getting the words that are swirling around in my head onto paper.

I long to fully explore my inner muse

Balance

I need to find a balance

between love, connections, and my inner heart

I need to find a balance 

between what is out there and what is hidden in here

A balance between you doing what you love and me besides you, covered in paint exploring

I need.....

My heart on paper

Ramapo Reservation

I stand here staring at my shadow

Trying to be sure of myself

Trying to fall freely into what I see ahead of me

I struggle sometimes

I have never been here before

I have never been surrounded by so much love

At times I wonder if I am handling it with the care it deserves

I am afraid it will crumble 

I am afraid I will fall

Never have I felt like I was in the center of someones universe, and they in mine

Never have I felt so strong

Never have I felt so much

The kindness and love that swirls around me is intoxicating

It breathes strength into my weakened bones

And takes away the gloom during these dark days

The conversation is enthralling

The eyes are calming

I feel brave

I feel like myself

I worry that I don't show how I feel well enough

I worry that I lack any sense of expressing my true emotions

I worry that I won't feel like I am enough or can give enough

The struggle seems endless sometimes

A constant battle between my heart and my head

I am healing

I am growing

I am observing 

I feel strong

I can see my dreams more clearly

I smile more

I am surrounded by amazing people

I am standing tall

I try

Ramapo Reservation

"I try

but it's hard to believe

I try

but I can't see what you see

I try.  I try. I try

My whole world is changing

I don't know where to turn"

*Jonatha Brooke, I'll Try

Maybe

 Aquarium in Boston

Maybe, just maybe I am not meant to put it out there 

Maybe that time has come and is gone

Maybe extending a hand of friendship is strangling,

not allowing for a breath of fresh air to enter.  

Maybe I will never know what I should have done

Maybe I will eventually learn to surrender to the mystery of it all

Maybe as time passes we both heal and find something different from each other.

Or maybe this is the end of the road, 

our time to say goodbye

Maybe, just maybe