Monday, September 23, 2013

vulnerability hangover


I am in the throws of a vulnerability hangover and it feels terrible.  I have been recording video for my online class Love Notes Special Delivery, and every time the camera is on these are the thoughts that roll through my head:

     *  I need a haircut
     *  I hate my hair
     *  Oh my goodness, my teeth are terrible who would possibly want to watch this
     *  My nose, its huge

There are so many outtakes of me making funny faces at myself because I can't get past how crooked my teeth are.  Or me sitting there messing with my  hair because it won't fall into place.  Seeing a photo of myself is one thing.  Watching myself speak on camera is a whole other ball game.

It is amazing how critical we are of ourselves.  Instead of embracing the beauty of the words that I am speaking I am highly focused on my teeth.  There are times I can't get past it.  I need to shut the camera off, and come back in five minutes.

It has been drilled into our heads that our worth is measured by our beauty and the size of our clothing.  But the fact is that is not true.  What matters is what is in our hearts, how we treat one another, the joy we bring to this world, and the support we provide during moments of sadness.  It does not matter if we have the most fashionable clothes or perfectly straight teeth.  What matters is that we are true to ourselves.  Loves those around us.  And embrace this one imperfect life that we are living.

Teaching this online class has been a lesson in showing up, imperfectly perfect.  Just as I am.  Crooked teeth and messy hair.  It has taught me time and time again to let the tape keep rolling, not worry about what I look like, but listen deeply to the words I am speaking.  It has been a challenge and a blessing.

Know this :: that you are beautiful, exactly as you are.

When those gremlins creep in trying to tell you otherwise, push them away and embrace the beautiful person that you are.

4 comments:

Kristine Dubuque Ortega said...

You are Beautiful, Smart, Intelligent and I so enjoy you! Please see what I see ...
You are Wonderful!
Love, Kristine Xo

Frances said...

It takes guts to show up and be counted for let alone do a video. Not easy stuff. I asked myself just last night (while out on a walk) why would I want to criticize myself for trying at life? It just didn't make any sense. I have decided to stop all that noise in my head and as you say - live this imperfect life.

Roban said...

I think you're gorgeous, both with inner beauty and outward, too. Let the video roll!

michelle gd said...

down with the gremlins!

you're perfect :)