using my voice

When I first started filming videos for my Love Notes Special Delivery Class I went into a vulnerability hangover.  It was tough to see myself on camera.  I was used to blogging with words on a screen.  Seeing myself on camera and hearing my voice was a whole different ballgame.  

I have a soft spoken voice . . . thank goodness for microphones.  There are so many times I am not sure of myself when I speak.  I hold back and later regret not speaking up.  I am more comfortable showing up on the page.  

So I am challenging myself to use my voice more.  Show up in front of the camera and speak from the heart.   It is strange to see yourself on screen and hear your voice.  I have been analyzing every detail, but I show up.  

What is one thing you wish you were better at and know you could be better if you just tried?  I challenge you to give it a shot.  Show up and "just try."  Know that you have nothing to loose.  Come on, give it a try.  

vulnerability hangover

I am in the throws of a vulnerability hangover and it feels terrible.  I have been recording video for my online class Love Notes Special Delivery, and every time the camera is on these are the thoughts that roll through my head:

     *  I need a haircut
     *  I hate my hair
     *  Oh my goodness, my teeth are terrible who would possibly want to watch this
     *  My nose, its huge

There are so many outtakes of me making funny faces at myself because I can't get past how crooked my teeth are.  Or me sitting there messing with my  hair because it won't fall into place.  Seeing a photo of myself is one thing.  Watching myself speak on camera is a whole other ball game.

It is amazing how critical we are of ourselves.  Instead of embracing the beauty of the words that I am speaking I am highly focused on my teeth.  There are times I can't get past it.  I need to shut the camera off, and come back in five minutes.

It has been drilled into our heads that our worth is measured by our beauty and the size of our clothing.  But the fact is that is not true.  What matters is what is in our hearts, how we treat one another, the joy we bring to this world, and the support we provide during moments of sadness.  It does not matter if we have the most fashionable clothes or perfectly straight teeth.  What matters is that we are true to ourselves.  Loves those around us.  And embrace this one imperfect life that we are living.

Teaching this online class has been a lesson in showing up, imperfectly perfect.  Just as I am.  Crooked teeth and messy hair.  It has taught me time and time again to let the tape keep rolling, not worry about what I look like, but listen deeply to the words I am speaking.  It has been a challenge and a blessing.

Know this :: that you are beautiful, exactly as you are.

When those gremlins creep in trying to tell you otherwise, push them away and embrace the beautiful person that you are.

letters across the miles

Dear Kristine,

I am not sure where to begin.  It was nice to receive your letter, but my heart is so heavy for the passing of your brother.  I could not even imagine what you and your family are going through.  Your life forever changed.  

Know that you are in my thoughts and I have been sending you so much love.  The road ahead will feel as if you are traveling all up hill.  You may feel lost and unsure where to turn.  Know that there are people out there, like me, who will sit right beside you.  Ready to hold your hand, listen to your stories, or just sit there with you in silence.  

It is in moments like this that we must lean on others, even when it feels difficult to do so.  Friends have a way of lifting us back up, holding us gently, and letting us just be.  Lean in deeply and know that you are loved and seen, even as you struggle through your pain and loss.    

There is nothing in this world like the bond that forms between family.  It is a love that never falters.  There will be disagreements. Moments where you do not get along.  But when it comes down to it you will always be there for one another.  

The love you have for your brother will live on in your heart and be expressed every day when you think of him.  He will always be with you.  Looking down, cheering you on, and watching you grow.  

Sending you so much love as you navigate through this and know that I am here for you.  

xo

Jennifer

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Love Notes Special Delivery Sneak Peek

Sneak Peek Love Notes Special Delivery Sacred Gathering space

When I was younger Santa Clause brought me a teachers set for Christmas.  It included a bell, report cards, a lesson plan book, stickers, and all sorts of fun things that any aspiring teacher would need.  I played "school" with my brothers at the kitchen table.  When they wouldn't play with me I would have imaginary students and play alone in my bedroom.  I loved that teachers set, not so sure my brothers did.

Growing up I always wanted to be a teacher.  I taught preschool for a couple of years and loved it.  But life took me on a different trek and I ended up in the corporate world.  It is funny where we end up sometimes and usually it looks a lot different than we have dreamed.

The part of me that always wanted to be a teacher still lives deep in my heart.  I see it come out time and time again and my mind wanders to what life would be like if I was.  I never gave up on that dream even though now it looks very different than it looked when I was ten.

Beginning Sunday, September 15th - October 19th I will be in the virtual classroom.  Teaching about something that is near and dear to my heart, writing.  Writing is a life line for me.  A tool that helped me work through so many moments in my life and a tool that I turn to almost daily.  I am so grateful for the page.

In Love Notes Special Delivery, an online writing class, we will go on a journey to discover the healing powers of the page.  We will look at the stories we tell ourselves.  Take the pen into our own hands and rewrite some of those stories.  We will also give voice to the dreams that are living in our hearts.  And use our words to express the love and appreciate we have for those around us.

It is going to be an incredible journey.  All lessons will be delivered via email so that you have them forever.  There will also be a sacred space online where the lessons will live and a place where we can gather and share our writing.  I am so excited to be teaching this class and so grateful for the individuals who are coming along on the journey with me.

There is still time to join in this five week journey.  Head on over to HERE for some more details or simply jump on in and sign up.  I would love for you to join us.

Cost:  $49 USD

we stand here

We stand here
Not always agreeing
Seeing things from our own perspective
But we stand here
Together

We disagree
We fight
We laugh
We have the best time together
We don't always see eye to eye

But we know, no matter what happens
We always have each others back
We love one another
With the deepest kind of love
And we stand here
Heart open, love flowing, wanting the best for one another

taking the steps

It is not going to come to you
You must go out into the world and make it yourself
You will not find it ringing your doorbell, letting you know it has arrived
You must put in the hard work, take the time, figure it all out

It will not weaves its own tale for you
You are the one holding the pen and must write the stories of its adventure yourself
When you are standing around with your hands in your pockets hoping it will come
It will not be tapping you on your shoulder saying "hey, I am over here"

It will not arrive overnight
You must be patient, tend to it, never give up
Always take the next step
What we desire to accomplish can only happen when we go after it

It will not be handed to you in a neatly wrapped package
You will have to trudge through the mess, pull out the sparkling jewels
Tears may be shed
But there will also be moments of pure glee as you see it all unfolding from your tireless work

You must go after it
Never let it go
If you want it
You must create it