Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Such a long time...

It has been such a long time since I have been here.  
It feels like I am treading on unknown waters.  
I have been drowning in my thoughts and struggling to swim to the surface during these cold winter months.  
It is dark, gray and dreary.  
I have felt a whirlwind of emotions:
happiness, sorrow, loss, compassion, anger, alone, fulfilled.
Each emotion pulling at the other leaving me confused and unsure.
Some days I forget how to stand
Other days I am dancing gracefully through the air with ease.
My heart feels full 
My soul feels empty
A roller coaster ride of thoughts creeping up on me when I least expect it.
I long for creativity, for a sense of self, and a smile to come back to my face.  
I long to feel whole again.  
I am not sure how I got here.
I didn't notice myself venturing off the path, but I wander sometimes.
It can lead to brilliant adventures or dangerous struggles.
I am on the edge of the struggle.  


Elizabeth said...

oh Jennifer-- man, do I feel you. I know this ground your standing on and I just want you to know I am right here beside you. It isn't easy being a creative because all that sensitivity can become a burden at times, but you need to know you are not alone. Not at all. And this is temporary. You will feel lightness again, I promise. And til then, just know I am right here, up to the knees in the muck right next to you.

It's such a strange process, for sure-- you are so wise to write it out. Much better to get some air on those gremlins.

Bisous, Elizabeth

Meri Arnett-Kremian said...

Just remember, it is from the darkness that we bring forth the most soulful creations. The chaos is terrifying, but it breeds new possibility if you learn to let go of your resistence. Those of us who have survived the darkness are here for you, standing on whatever ground is under us, offering hope and loving thoughts.

Beth said...

are you sure you didn't get into my head somehow and write exactly what's on my mind....

YES....these are the words I could have written today without a doubt !