Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Have you ever stood in a room of people and felt so incredibly alone? Isolated even amongst the conversation. Sad, unsure of who you really are?
As an introvert I struggle with casual conversation. I want to get to the heart of it. Pull out the meat and guts and examine them. I want to know what is really beneath the surface. Dig into the layers that so many of us keep hidden.
But that is not an easy thing to do upon first meeting someone. It is hard for me to find the quiet space to have the conversation. It takes time to develop the trust that is required for deep heart examination.
Sometimes the environment gets the best of me and swallows me whole. Sinking deep into that invisible feeling.
Other times I rise above. Standing firmly in who I am. Seeking out someone to connect with, or removing myself from the situation all together.
It is a dance I have not yet mastered. Still stepping on toes, unsure of when to take the lead and when to follow.
Have you ever felt this way?
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Ever since I was a little girl I kept a journal. Scribbling in it long into the night then tucking it safely underneath my mattress so that my brothers wouldn't find it. Those pages held all the thoughts of my latest crush, what I really thought about high school, and what I dreamed my life would be. Showing up on the page was easy. It never spoke back, never judged, and alway allowed me the space to just be.
This September I am embarking on a new journey with the page. A five week adventure that I hope you will take with me. Together we will explore how we hold ourselves back from showing the world our best selves. We will send ourselves loving notes, and dig deep into the light that we shine in this world. We will then take that love we have in our hearts and share it with those around us, and our community. It is going to be a brilliant collaboration between ourselves and the blank page which will not stay blank for to long.
Each Monday - Friday a bit of inspiration, a story, an assignment, or creative adventure will arrive in your email mailbox. Providing you the tools you need to begin your own relationships with the blank page. A relationship that once forged will open door ways to your heart.
The page saved my life. And I know if you give it a chance it could help you heal many pieces of your own heart.
Come along with me from September 15th - October 19th for Love Notes Special Delivery. An online writing class that will open the door to your heart. Together lets journey through different writing exercises and uncover the love that is deep in our hearts.
What: An online writing class
Class Objective: Learn how to show up to the blank page and not be intimidated to tell the stories that we have tucked into our hearts. Discover the healing powers of writing by telling these stories, letting some of them go, and moving forward as our best selves.
Where: Online, self paced class. Lessons are delivered directly to your email box. You are able to go at your own pace, go back to pieces that really resonate with you, and use the lessons over and over again.
When: Starting Sunday, September 15th for five weeks
Why: Because the page can save your life. Opening your heart to writing can bring you back to yourself, help guide you in a new direction, and give you space to dream and grow.
Cost: $49 USD
Monday, July 22, 2013
I was sinking into the unknown
Losing my way
Falling off course
Standing in the middle of despair, fear, and uncontrollable feelings
Trying to make sense of it all
I had no idea which way to turn
Was there a right course of action
Was one micro movement going to shift everything
Time spinning quickly
Getting thrown back into a past life
Where was I headed
What choice was I to make
Did I have any control over this
How would I ever know if I made the right one
Lost, lost, so very lost
I took to the streets
Staring up at the stars
Allowing my inner light to guide me home
Finding my way back to center
And now I stand here
Neither moving forwards or backwards
In the moment
Letting it all wash over me
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
The hot days of summer have definitely shown it's face around NJ these past couple of weeks. Bright sunshine, high humidity, and incredible sporadic thunderstorms. Everything the summer is to be. I am enjoying every minute of it.
I love hearing that you have a few things up your sleeve and have been soaking in your summer days as well. That is what life is all about - - - enjoying the moments, scheming up ideas, and relaxing deep into the flow and movement that engulfs us.
I have been working diligently on my online class offering. I love how it is coming together so organically. The pieces fitting together and opening up parts of me that I didn't realize were still closed off.
One of the topics that came up as I was brainstorming ideas and putting thoughts down on paper for the class was - - - the opportunities we didn't take. The moments we were to afraid to make that daring decision and instead stuck with the comfortable and familiar. Those untaken chances haunt us. Filling us with wonder regarding what could have been.
What is devastating is that we will never know what could have happened had we made a different decision, took the risk, spread our wings and trusted that we could fly. That thought is sitting deeply with me these past few days. And I am allowing it space to wash over me and breathe deeply into my soul.
Are there any chances that you didn't take that you wish you did? Moments in time when you could have risked it all but when for the safe path instead?
Sending you so much love this letters across the miles tuesday. I hope you are doing well and that the sun is shining brightly on your world.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
You had asked me not to feel sorry for you
And I do not
You are in control of your destiny
You are the one who chooses which path you go down
And which you do not
It is you who makes these bold choices
It is you who must seek out what makes you happy
You know that you must make yourself happy before you can find happiness with another
It is you who must do it all
You know you cannot rely on others
You know that you have to hone in your dreams
And then chase after them
But you also know that they must be your dreams and not someone else's
Sure, there were moments you fell apart
Wrong roads taken
You have fallen more times than you can count
Your temper flailing
Your anger getting the best of you
But you see all of that now
And you are making the choice to carve your own path
To walk in the right direction
You are looking for help
You know you cannot go at it alone
You need support
And you are finding it
And you know now that you must step into yourself
With immense courage
And follow your heart
It is you who will carve the path to your happiness
It is you who will find exactly what you are looking for
And in my heart I know you will find it
It will not come over night
Nothing ever does
But it will come
And when it does you will be ready to celebrate it
Friday, July 12, 2013
I sit here. Ideas swirling one right after the other. A mental task list quickly filling the notebook in my mind. So easily the ideas come, and they are good. I can feel it in my heart and soul. Yet it is with much hesitation that I breathe life into them.
I am afraid of succeeding.
Terrified of actually making it happen.
Playing that evil comparison game.
I want to begin. But instead I cook up another idea. Add some more lines to my task list and head out for a run.
I am lacking the confidence in myself to take the leap. I am doubting that people will be interested in the passions that are in tucked into my heart. I forget that I will attract those that do understand and speak the same language as me.
I am unsure how to find my way out of this hole I am digging myself into. So I am doing what I know how to do; show up here and write about it. It feels freeing to state my fear. To have it down on paper to examine and dig deeper into.
The journey to getting through this begins with these words.
Monday, July 08, 2013
Together we go out and capture the world
Each catching things the other didn't see
A new angel
A different perspective
A site that was just around the corner that the other didn't turn down
It amazes me to see the beauty that we each capture
How different our views of the same place are
I go for the details
He dives into the bigger picture
Together we bring home something unique to ourselves
The world is an expansive space
Each of us finding our own way in it
Navigating, capturing, seeking, and finding
The roads we take are filled with possibility
The wheels in my head are spinning. This may be the start to a little collaborative project between him and I. Seeing what the other didn't see and sharing it here. Hmm. We shall see where this goes.
Tuesday, July 02, 2013
Happy Tuesday and almost Fourth of July! I cannot believe that the fourth is already upon us. Summertime always seems to fly by in a blink of an eye. Do you have any plans for the Holiday weekend? I absolutly love fireworks. I am not sure where we will be seeing them, but am looking forward to the brillant colors in the sky.
I love that you have been adding to your photography portfolio since you started working in Providence. It is wonder that you are embracing your surroundings and really soaking them up. All to often we run from one thing to the next, never really taking the time appreciate it. But here you are, soaking it all in. Fantastic!
I took a big leap and opened the doors to my Etsy shop for the first time. I can't belive I did but am so proud of myself for just doing it. My writing, blog, photography, and work has all evolved so organically. I love that. Opening the Etsy shop felt like the next right step to take. I am not sure where it will lead but am excited to see the path it opens me up to.
When I was in high school I ran Cross Country and track, running the mile, half mile, and two mile. Belthoff's do not have much speed so we have to stick to the distance events. You should see my brothers run to first base when they play softball. It is like they are running in slow motion.
What I like about running is that it pushes my mind. I know my body can make it up the hill, but it is my mind that is the challenge. All it ever says to me is: "I want to stop, I want to stop." But I must keep my legs moving and make it to the top. It feels so good when I push through.
I enjoy riding my bicycle more. When I am on my bike my mind never even thinks the thought of stopping. There is to much territory to explore. To many new sites to see. I want to peddle as far as I have time for.
I love excercising. Moving my body, stretching my muscles, climbing higher than I thought I could go. Excercise is such an amazing healer for the mind, body, and spirit. I try to excercise five days a week but do not always get the chance. When I don't I feel it in me. I become a bit sluggish, irritable, and craving the movment. That is when I pick myself up and go for a walk. Even a walk around the block refreshes me.
I hope you have been enjoying your summer. Please tell me what adventures you have been up to, what feeds your soul, and where you want to go to next.
Sending lots of love your way from NJ!