Thursday, January 31, 2008

Love Thursday's: Mexico

When I first heard of love thursdays I immeditly thought of my trip to Mexico. While in Mexico I felt so much love all around me. It was simply an amazing experience.

These two little girls were so sweet. They brought us over cookies and juice while we were working with there brother Oscar in the Nopal's field. Oscar rent's the land from his abuela (grandmother) and works their every single day. Like I go to a Corporate Restaurant to work every day, Oscar goes outside into nature and works with the land.

It was an amazing day for me. Filled with a lot of hard work, but also a lot of fun, love, and inspiration. The respect these individuals have for each other and the respect they have for nature was something that really shined through in them and touched my soul.

Happy LOVE Thursdays. I hope you see the love that is all around you today!

Saturday, January 26, 2008


There are two fabulous new spaces out here which are filled with inspiration

Sparkletopia is a wonderful new site for all things creative. There is so much inspiration and creativity flowing through that page, that it is hard to not be inspired. The wonderful Christine Mason Miller is the creator of this jewel.

Shutter Sisters is an inspiring collabrative blog, filled with all sorts of amazing photos. Many wonderful photographers are a part of this. You can meet all the sisters or even join them in clicking away. It has already inspired me to pick up my camera and start shooting again.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Not hiding

I was hiding under the covers

Afraid to get out
Afraid to see what was really there
Afraid to see all the things I have been avoiding

I am terrified
To see
To feel
To face my mistakes

I struggled
I fought
I came up with a million reasons
why it was better just to stay in bed

Yet one reason gave me the little nudge I needed
to get out
to breathe
to face what was right in front of me


My life was at stake
I was trembling
but I put my first foot on the floor,
I felt the coldness and almost pulled it right back up

I gathered all my strength and placed my second foot on the floor
I stood
I opened my eyes
I looked around

To my surprise what I saw
was beautiful
not so scary
and I sighed a huge sigh of relief

I choose to live,
to experience,
to not hide
And that felt really good!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Finally seeing the Rainbow

The past week has been long
Filled with sleep
A desire to stay in bed,
and a struggle to get out.

The weekend was long
Filled with stress
A desire to have it end,
and a feeling that it was never going to be over.

However Monday is here!
Monday, my favorite day.
Mondays and Tuesdays...
my little weekend,
My fresh start.

This Monday,
this one was a good one.
Getting out of bed,
not sleeping the day away.
Singing my head off.
A girl movie.
Learning new words.
And laughs with mi vida!

The clouds seem to be parting
The Rainbow is smiling it's brilliant colors at me.
My heart is starting to feel lighter,
and I am enjoying the days once more.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I am twenty seven years old.
I graduated college last May with a degree in Literature.
It was a huge accomplishment for me, an accomplishment that took many years.

Hear I am, still working in the restaurant buisness.
Still serving drinks, and food, and fired up favorites.
Still in the same job I had since Freshman year of college.

I am scared, nervous, and intimidated to apply for a "career."
I feel like I lack the skills, am to immature, am not qualified enough.
And I am not even sure why I feel this way.

I have been working since I was sixteen.
Every job I had I moved up in.
I am a hard worker.

Why do I feel so down about this?

I have applied for a bunch of jobs...
Yet got nothing back,
not even an interview.

This is what is bringing me down.

What is wrong with me?
Why don't employers want to even sit down with me?
What is wrong with my resume?

This is really hard for me to write.
I feel like I will never get past this point.
I feel stuck, not really sure where to turn.

The problem is...I don't even know what kind of job I would be good at.
I don't what I want.
I love helping people.
I love teaching, and training new people.
I love being creative.

But what kind of a job will encompass those things?

As a kid I always wanted to be a teacher.
And I have a Lit degree, but no teacher certification to speak of.
I don't have the money to go back to school to get that certification.
Can't I find some kind of a job with my degree?
Something... I put in so much time, effort, and money to accomplish this degree.

Looking for a job is hard, and stressful, and is really bringing me down.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

2008 Life Proposal

I am working on my life proposal for 2008. This is what I have so far, the rough draft.

My 2008 Life Proposal

I would like to propose a life filled with creative endeavors. A life where I am free to dream, free to create, and free to be "me". In doing this I am connecting with individuals and inspiring them to take their own creative adventure.

I plan on doing this by smiling at strangers more often and provoking them into conversation. Asking "feeling" questions, rather hen just discussing the weather and taking the time to really listen to the answer. Be aware of my enviornment, and truly feel my surroundings.

I will work hard to create with what is around m and incorporate who is around me. And most importantly I will not feel silly or stupid for my efforts no matter who puts me down.

Like any Proposal I am going to have to discuss it with the "bosses" of my heart and mind. I hope they come together on this and fully support my proposal, encourage me along the way, and give me positive feedback.

What would you life proposal look like for 2008?

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

GOD Box....

I received this box from work which I had my eye on ever since it made it's way into the office. I don't know why, but for some reason I just loved this box. I was never sure what I would do with it, but I was lucky to be able to take it home with me about a week ago. It sat on my chair...I loved it...but had no idea what to do with it.

Then came along the idea for the God Box. Oh this was just what I needed right now. This was exactly what I needed, and a perfect thing to do with my box. So I worked on it today, and even wrote my first letter to God.

I stitched the outside of the paper with a needle and thread, which was very soothing to do. And I asked the letter to travel with tenderness.

I am not a religious person, so using the word "God" merely means "universe" "divine being"...something along those lines. This idea is originally from SARK. It is mentioned in her book Transformation Soup.

After writing my letter I feel some what lighter and happier. I feel as almost a small weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can breathe because it is out of my hands now. Now it is time for me to just sit back, relax, and enjoy....and I can do that without a problem.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

2007 is Complete

I have wanted to do this exercise for awhile, but I felt it had to be perfect. So I kept putting it off. Forget that idea. Thank you Superhero for giving me the idea to toss my perfection out the window and allowing me to be messy. So here goes nothing....

2007 was a year of strength for me. I graduated college, which was a huge accomplishment for me. It took me awhile to do, but over that time I have had so many wonderful experiences. I am extremely proud of myself for going back, putting in the time and effort, and finally getting my degree.

I was also bold this past year and went on a trip to Mexico with strangers from Ramapo College. While I was there I met Christians mother and two brothers. Now that took some guts!! I was in another country where I only speak the language a little bit, and meeting my boyfriends mother without him...and she does not speak any English. WOW! My trip to Mexico was a trip of a lifetime, I learned so much about myself and gained more than I believe I was able to give.

Christian and I have also grown closer during 2007, in ways I was not even aware were possible. I feel we are more understanding, trusting, and loving towards one another in a much deeper way. It feels great to have this with him. We enjoy the little things together like swimming in our pool, riding our bikes, walking in the mountains, playing tennis. The summer was amazing for us. We enjoyed so many wonderful times together.

I connected more with some people through this blog. I feel that it is a huge accomplishment for me to be able to put myself out there this way. I was given the most wonderful opportunity of meeting the wonderful Jen Lemen. She is a divine inspiration, and it took a lot of strength and courage for me to go to NYC alone and meet her. It is scary to meet a stranger who inspires you so much over the internet.

However I must grieve for not being more creative, taking more time for myself, and following through with trying to learn more about myself. I really want to delve further into who I am. I keep putting it off. In 2007 I talked about it a lot inside my head, but never followed through. I forgive myself for not following through. I needed to think it out, I needed to feel my way through it.

I also forgive myself for giving out to much of myself. It is ok, it will all work out.

In the end of 2007 I got caught up with gossip. Listening to it and participating in it. That is not like me at all. I feel terrible about it. I want to go back to who I was before. An ear that simply soaked in the information, but made no judgements, and did not repeat it. I am a great listener, but no reason to throw in my two cents especially when it does not concern me. I forgive myself for getting involved, and I give myself the courage, strength, and inspiration to not participate in it anymore.

I also must grieve for not being fluent in spanish by now. I really should be. I have lived with Christian for two years now, I should be speaking fluent spanish. I do understand more, however I want to be 110% fluent. I forgive myself for not doing it. I also give my self the strength to be self disciplined enough to learn it this year. I will play more games in spanish, attempt to speak in spanish more often, and learn the language.

I now declare 2007 complete!!!

2008 is my year of self love and self discovery. The year of ME!!

I look forward to figuring out who I am over the course of this year. Thank you Andrea for this inspiration.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

25 Things I will never tire of....

1. The sound of Christian laughing
2. Dancing in my apartment when I am home alone.
3. Singing at the top of my lungs in the shower possibly mixed in with some dancing.
4. Spending time with my three brothers. They really crack me up.
5. The sound, look, smell, and feel of the ocean. Oh, I love it!
6. Music. Especially Jack Johnson. My life theme song: Upside Down.
7. Reading a good book curled up in a really comfy chair.
8. Swimming. Especially in a crystal clear, warm ocean. (Or my apartment pool will do).
9. Riding my bycycle on a warm summer day.
10. Wishing on stars.
11. The feel of the warm sun on my face.
12. Being outside on a warm summer day. (Can you tell I am a warm weather kind of person).
13. Looking for inspirational quotes, stories, or anything creative).
14. Spending time with a close girlfriend, sharing stories about our life.
15. "Belthoff" family weddings --and there are plenty of them.
16. Going on adventures large or small.
17. The movie "Serendipity" Now if only I owned a copy of it again.
18. The feel of Christians feet underneath the covers.
19. Summertime. My favorite time of year!!
20 A good meal with great company.
21. Being around children. I adore and have so much fun with children.
22. Comedians. I love listening to them. They really crack my up and I love laughing.
23. Laughing --over anything or nothing. Sometimes I really crack myself up and I love laughing.
24. People's stories. About life, living, and how they became who they are.
25. Connecting with others.

Thank you Jen for inspiring me to make this list.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Happy New Year

2008!!! How wild is that. Ten years ago I graduated high school. My goodness, how time surely flies.

I am not a "New Years Resolution" person. I never seem to keep resolutions, and then I beat myself up over not keeping them. It becomes a vicious cycle. So I have been inspired to write my "hopes" for 2008. Writing down my "hopes" is much more fun than making resolution. So here goes.

For 2008...

** I hope to become a teacher. Not necessarily the "idea" of a "teacher" which I have conjured up in my head. Rather something creative and inspiring, and not necessarily in a public school setting.

** I hope to take more photographs, and possibly open up my own ETSY shop to sell them. (My that was really scary and bold to post up here.)

** I hope to find a fulfilling job which can support me financially.

** I hope to be knee deep in creative adventures. Like attending a SARK workshop or BLOGHER.

** I hope to keep smiling, keep loving, and keep enjoying life.

What are some of your hopes for 2008?