Thursday, December 27, 2007
Well Christmas was filled with some musical sensations. From my mom playing Guitar Hero, to my dad singing a song in Rock Band...I must say it was a blast. I never thought I would see my dad sing in front of a crowd, but I guess when you are surrounded by your ten brothers and sisters it brings you back to your childhood, and you let it all out. It was a lot of fun.
I love the holidays. I love getting together with my family. They really are a great group of people and I am so blessed to have each and every one of them. I think it is so great that we are all so close, and get along so well. I could not ask for anything else.
I hope each and everyone of you had a rocking holiday. I am now looking for a fresh start in 2008! How about you?
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Yesterday Christian and I dropped Alvaro off at the airport. It was a time of enormous emotion for me. We had to go to JFK, the same airport I flew out of when I went to Mexico. Memories flooded back from my trip. I remembered crying because I was a little scared of going to Mexico. For me the trip was not just about helping the people of the community, but it also entailed meeting Christians Mother and Brothers, and seeing for the first time the country my dearest love was from. I felt like so much was "riding" on that trip. What if I hated Mexico? What if his mother disliked me? What if I was unable to communicate because of the language barrier? In my head so many "what if's" were swirling around. But bravely and boldy I got on the plane and traveled with a group of people I have never met before and had one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
I love MEXICO!!! Being there felt like home. Every person I encountered was so nice, kind, and caring. I was able to speak the language a lot more than I ever knew I could, and learned more words. I met Christian's mother and his two brothers and they are simply wonderful people. It was the most amazing wonderful opportunity of my life. The people that I encountered in Mexico are forever engrained in my heart. And one day I will be a part of Community Links.
Yesterday there I was again in JFK right outside of AeroMexico. While sitting in the airport with Alvaro and Christian, enjoying Alvaros last meal in America, it hit me like a ton of bricks: "This is exactly were I want to be. To be with Christian. To be a part of his family. To be connected to Mexico and America." It really hit me, and everything felt so right. There is no better feeling in the world than when something feels so right.
Christian has been here for five years and for that time he has not seen his brothers or his mother. So next year we plan to take the trip to Mexico and to get things in order for a more solidified commitment between us :) And I am extremely excited about that.
I cannot wait for the time when there is no border keeping Christian and I from freely going back and forth between Mexico and America. So we will both have the opportunity to enjoy our family. For now though I would like to wish Alvaro luck, and the best possible experience returning to a place he has been away from for so long. Christian and I already miss him greatly, but know in our hearts that he is very happy to be where he is. And we will see you soon!!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Lately I have been getting angry quickly,
I feel it bubbling up inside me...
I am not as patient as I normally am.
I also have been getting upset over the smallest things...things that normally would not phase me at all.
I am not sure why.
Something must be causing this sadness and anger.
I am trying to remember to slow down, breathe, and remember other people.
I am searching for a word I can put on a bracelet, write on a ribbon and tie it around my wrist, or even write on my hand...
a word to remind me to
life is a matter of thinking.
I need to shift my thinking, and right now I am a little stuck at how to do this.
I need to ground myself, and bring myself back to .. "me"
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
In a few days he will be gone,
back to Mexico for new adventures.
We will miss him greatly,
and it is so hard to say goodbye...
but he is excited to go,
and hopefully we will be there soon.
So we are savoring our last few days together....
and figuring out how to say goodbye.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Sometime people put on an enormous facade,
they are great actors.
They seem strong and sure of themselves.
They stand in the center and make others cower around them.
Yet, inside they are searching for strength,
Trying to stay afloat, and putting others down along the way.
It surprises me when they give a glimpse of their true self.
Scared, timid, unsure of themselves and the world around them.
I always try to reach out to them,
and sometimes they let down their guard,
other times it is simply a battle, never won.
I know it hard to let your true colors fly,
and to really stand by who are...
but at the end of the day I know people love me for me,
and I hope you realize they love you for you as well.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Before bed a million ideas swirl inside my head, just wanting to get out. But I am snug and cozy, and the lights are out, and I don't want to disturb Chris. So I think about them, and ponder them, and then in the morning they have escaped. My dreams have taken them away to a far distant land reserved for all lost thoughts.
Many of those things I wanted to write about. I wanted to explore, delve deeper into. But they are gone. Possibly they will come back to me another night when I am snug in bed, unable to fall asleep. But I know in the morning they will escape me again. I have heard you should always keep a notebook next to your bed. I think I should start doing this. Write in the dark. Maybe my inner thoughts will come out a little bit easier with no lights on to judge them. Letting my hand and the pen guide it's way over the paper without any lines to constrict them, or any eyes to place judgement them. Maybe then my inner vessel will feel free to explore the open ocean.